Hello.

Hi, I guess this will be an introduction/looking for someone to speak with kind of thing. My name is Chantelle and I am 17 years old, currently in my senior year of high school. I am starting to think I may have Dermatillomania. It makes sense, really. I have been picking at my skin for about 11 years now. I think it may have started when I was six and caught chicken pox. When I was younger, I would focus mostly on my legs and arms. I would never intentionally make wounds on my skin, but would take advantage of any injuries on my body. Mosquito bites were a favorite of mine. I would scratch at them until I created scabs and pick at those until I had something my parents would call an ulcer. Those scars are so bad, that they are still extremely visible. I stopped picking at my body around 11, when I started to get acne. Now, my face, chest and shoulders are my primary focus. I probably spend any where from 45 minutes to an hour a day staring in mirrors and picking, squeezing and popping spots on my face. The worst time is after school. I come home feeling stressed, nervous or anxious, drop my bag off in my room and head directly for the washroom. When I start to pick, I guess I zone out and while, the thoughts of "This is wrong./ You're going to ruin your face./Mom will notice./ You'll make it worse." run through my head, I don't stop. I feel relieved until I see my face and the self loathing starts again. In class, I find myself scratching at my shoulders or under my chin when my hands have nothing to do. It get especially bad when I am reading. Other times, I run my fingers over my face, feeling for bumps that I can add to mental catalog for popping later. It is a non-stop cycle. I feel I should try and reach out for help and that's why I'm here. I understand that I should reach out for help in real life. Talk to my parents or friends. See my school counselor or doctor. I don't think I can handle that at this point and time. Thinking about it makes me cry. I feel ashamed for doing what I do and I also feel like I'm just trying to find something wrong with myself, as a cry for attention. I mean, I function quite well. I go to school, hang out with friend and stay on top of my work. I also know self diagnosing is a terrible thing to do. I know that my parents know about my picking, but ignore it most of the time. I have tried speaking with my mom about about Dermatillomania and how I thought I could have it. Her response was to tell me that I wasn't that bad. I can see what she means. The marks on my face can be attributed to bad acne and I don't scratch at my legs like I used to. And because I am still a minor, I am afraid of going to my doctor or counselor. I guess, I am just looking for someone to talk to. Thank you for reading through this.