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lexlauren , 28 Sep 2013

Starting Over

Here I will keep a daily blog of my Dermatillomania. Day 1: Saturday September 28th I had a bad picking relapse on Thursday night, which has resulted in many scabs on my forehead, nose, and chin. It's so hard to explain why I did it, most of the time I feel like I have bipolar disorder. One half of me wants to stop thinking and obsessing over picking all together; but the other half wants to sit in front of the mirror and dig out every imperfection. Clearly, this is a tell tale sign of severe OCD. I want my face to be perfect, but I have to realize that's impossible. The whole ordeal about picking makes no sense... If I want clear skin, why do I pick and make huge scabs out of nothing to "make it better"? It's the total opposite of what I want, but sadly my brain has blueprinted that picking is good. The other "bad" side of me is so much stronger. I'm all talk, and so weak in front of a mirror. I have very little strength and I always let the other side win. Well now I need to make more of an effort. Never give in to bad habits. I have to constantly be on myself to not pick, there can never be any breaks. Some rules for myself this day forward: 1. Nose, chest, back, arms are off-limit areas. Completely erase the idea of scanning or feeling those areas from your mind. Whenever you start to touch those areas, consciously tell yourself to stop. Withdraw your hands, stop looking, and back off from the mirror. Narrowing down picking areas will help limit picking. 2. All imperfections that have not come to a head need to be treated, not picked. Think healing, not picking and destroying. When thinking about picking, think about what it'll look like after your done. What will your feelings be like after you pick? 3. Shower time: get in bathroom and immediately get in shower. This isn't a joke. Get in, and immediately get out. Do not hover in front of mirror. 4. If you have an urge to get into the bathroom, think what is the reason I'm going in there? Don't go in if you know the only reason your going there is to look in front of the mirror. 5. Keep a positive attitude. Don't let the other side of you dominate. Think of long term goals and being happy and free to go out without make-up and shame.

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