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bubbles09 , 03 Oct 2013

Finally have the courage to speak out about this....

Hey everyone. So I've been picking at my skin since I was about 11. Obsessively. It gets a lot worse when I am stressed or feeling low. I think I started because my parents got divorced when I was 10 (it was nasty) and I just kinda formed this habit to deal with it. I remember sitting in front of the mirror for hours just trying to pick at every single pore on my face and trying to get something to come out of them. Every time I pick, I hear this voice in the back of my head saying "Stop! Why are you doing this again? Just wash your face and walk away, lean away from the damn mirror!!" But it almost never works. It's like being on a drug when I pick. I zone out completely and the only think I can think of is getting that pimple popped or that spot extricated. And then you have the depressive crash afterwards. I literally lean away from the mirror after a session and look at myself and cry. I always feel so defeated and yet, I keep doing it. I'm almost 22 now, and I really cannot believe that I have been battling this for over 10 years now. I went through a massive depressive state in my teen years and had intense picking sessions. I missed altogether about a year of highschool because of it. It got so bad that no makeup could cover it, so I would just stay home and cry. Yet, I was (and still am) doing it to myself. I have tried everything in the book to stop. I have tried going on many medications and speaking to dermatologists but nothing has really worked long term. A couple of years ago I got into my first serious relationship. Things were great, I started going to the gym 3 times a week, we had a really great relationship and I eventually went on minocycline. It worked for about a year, I only had about 2 picking sessions in a whole year!!!! I thought I had finally defeated these demons. Then the minocycline stopped working and a few pimples started to pop up here and there. So my boyfriend and I eventually had a bad break up (he knew about my condition also) and I spiraled back in to these bad habits. Now, I am fighting this on a daily basis. I can barely get through a day without picking. I'm always looking online for things to help me stop, but I just feel defeated. I'm with a new boyfriend now (it's been over a year) and he has no idea that I am struggling with this. I just want to STOP and be normal. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there fighting this, and I know it is possible to stop again. It's just finding the strength and motivation. It's getting better, I can now walk away mid pick and stay away from mirrors. But It's not over yet. Just gotta keep FIGHTING and taking it day by day. Good luck to you all, I know how this destroys people.
1 Answer
October 03, 2013
Your story about why you started is veeery similar to mine. My parents had a nasty divorce too, and I do most of the things you said. Sorry about your boyfriend.

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