Pick and eat every thing HELP:(

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April 08, 2009

Its nice to no that I'm not the only one out there. growing up I had a drunk for a father, parents divorced mom slept around and my grandpa and cousin molested me. My grandpa molested and raped my aunt, mom sister cousin and other kids and yet growing up I loved him so much. My mom tells me nothing happened to her but she is messed up pretty bad,well so is my sister and aunt they got it worse then me I belive. My mom was one of those moms who had more love and attention for the men in her life then me and my sister.she should never had kids. My mom and her family cam from the chezh republic in 1965 when she was 15 and my aunt 11. they had to leave in one day and leave every thing behind, if they did not leave my gradpa was going to be put in jail or worse for tapping soilders burning people. my mom remembers the tanks rolling down her road when they came in. When they came to canada my grandma died of cancer with in the year. My grandap left my mom and aunt to fend for them self soon after so my mom had to take care of her sister, mom got married to mom sisters dad and he slept around and rape my aunt . This sound F-up to me nowing about all this growing up. Mom then met up with my dad had me got married when I was 2 and then divorced soon after. we moved about 3 hours away from him and then me having to go for visits to him by my self and he would be drunk out of his mind but mom would leave me any way cuz she would have to get it on with te next guy in her life. Mom met a guy and was wit him for about 16 years and he was heavy into drugs ,pot,meth,coke,oil, and god nose what else he sold it. I told mom me or him and I ended up moving out when I was 16 with my boyfreind now husband 11 years later. My mom and the guy ended up seperating with help finly 17 years together BUt not before she got stuck on all the drugs, she finly brock down took 3 years to get her of every thing and get her mind back some what. she was in te mental word 6 times during that time was very mentaly unstable. Luckly I had my BEST friend of all time helping me through all this she is like a sister to me and a daughter to my mom or was like a daughter to my mom till she ended up dating this guy my stepfather since I was 7 years old. he gave up all the drugs and shit life for her and now they are getting married this year and I am in the wedding. BUT that was very had to get passed at the time my bestfriend and my stepfather, being put in the middle to chose sh was my rock at the time trying to sort my moms life out selling her houe and buieness my sister was to unstable to help at the time. but now mom live beside her and my sister is really losing it now. I mentaly fell apart,while i was prengant with my beautiful little girl and my then 4 year old son. In the middle of all this my husband told me he was raped in collage,If I did not have somone to talk to at the time I would have lost it. My babys and husband have given me hope for a better life. we now live out in the country and can focus on our lives. Thats just a short and nicer story of my life. SO, I know why I PICK my body raw. My daughter is turning one next month and my son is almost 6 I want them to grow up happy and be kids. I need to stop picking. My son always tells me to STOP PICKING MOMMY when he sees me doing it and that hurts cuz he should not have to see that. THANK YOU for reading this I hope that you and I know that we are not the only ones. If anyone wants to talk please feel free to e-mail me at ahill@bmts.com

April 10, 2009

i totally understand where you're comin from. I have picked and ate my scabs/licked up my blood since i was a kid. I didnt have the courage to tell anyone about how i ate the scabs until i found this site. it feels SO good to be able to talk about it and not feel judged. It gave me the courage to tell my therapist. i'm now going to have to start cognitive behavioral therapy. i am determined to be done with the whole picking thing because i've gone 2 years without cutting or burning..and then to find out that the picking (not letting wounds heal) is considered self injury..i was frustrated. so when i get my new therapist i am gonna start the cognitive behavioral therapy. then i'm going to join a coping skills support group...i purchased a self mutilation workbook and a depression workbook. I also bought a journal that i write when I pick..where im picking..where im at when i pick..and what im doing @ the time that im picking. this is so my new therapist will know to what extent i pick. like its really embarrassing to get naked in front of my man because i picked at bumps on my butt..so i have scabs all over my butt. and i cant imagine telling him that i eat my scabs/like the taste of my blood. so i definitely know how it feels, hun. by the way..im kate. if you ever wanna chat, my AIM and yahoo screennames are: ra1nb0wb00tay ....if you wanna email me, my email is my screenname: ra1nb0wb00tay@yahoo.com i hope i've helped u some