Happy almost Thanksgiving friends! I haven't posted on here in way too long, but I had a breakdown/breakthrough (hopefully, at least) on Sunday and I felt the need to share. I have been battling skin-picking my entire life, and as a perfectionist (note the username), I am afraid of leaving the house without makeup on/looking put together. I just graduated from college this past may, and while I miss it every day I find myself relieved that I don't have to hide my wounds from roommates and sorority sisters who just don't understand. My biggest issue lies in the raised bumps of acne. Even scabs, if they are raised, are going to be poked and prodded by me until they lie flat and all pus is out. Hence, my breakdown on sunday: Friday night i noticed a little bump on my cheek, I put some acne cream on it, went to sleep. Saturday, I was seeing some old friends so OBVIOUSLY i went to town trying to get out whatever was causing it to swell. Got nothing out, created scab. Sunday it was more swollen than ever so I decided to continue to push on it. Eventually some stuff came out, but it was still a mess of hard scab in center and various layers around edges.
I wanted to call in sick to work, but as this is only my third month I didn't feel like I could yet. I could barely make eye contact with anyone as i was certain they were wondering what had possibly happened to my face. I literally focused on the hours going by, and then i realized. This is no way to live my life.
I cannot pray for the days to pass and go by just so my skin can heal; too many people are denied the precious days that I spend hiding in the dark or crying over my appearance. At the end of the day, the spot that causes me so much stress, that ruins my life and makes me cancel on loved ones has all of the power. I am going to document how I heal this dark black scab, I am going to take each day at a time and wake up without rushing to the mirror in the morning. My 30-day challenge is to care less about the outside stuff, to reward myself with small things every few days and to just be grateful for all that I do have, scabbed cheek and all. Who's with me?
***IN the meantime, for those looking for a solution I will keep you updated on the healing process of my scab: right now i have a mixture of Aquaphor and CREAM (important) Neosporin on it under an advanced healing band aid. The scab is very dry, black in the center and white around the edges. This is the first time I'm trying an advanced healing band aid and the first time I'm sleeping with one, so I'll keep you posted. I am determined not to touch it and to enter this Thanksgiving holiday with peace of mind, healthier skin and overall a better attitude!