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ret16 , 14 Dec 2013

First time reaching out...any feedback is so appreciated

Hey everyone- This is my first time posting here. I have come across this forum several times. I thought I would share my story and could get any feedback while I am at an ultimate low point. I never really realized I had a problem with picking until maybe a couple months ago. I have been blessed with good skin. When I look in the mirror, I don't see that. But when I take the time to actually think about it, I know I have. I don't have acne. But when I look at myself in the mirror I think I have this horrible skin. I have always been a picker. Whenever I had a pimple I would pop it, pick it, etc. However, it wasn't something that stopped my life or prevented me from going on with my day. I think I started to develop a problem over the summer. Throughout the summer, I had about three or four episodes where I picked at a blemish that was barely even anything where I could not go to work, avoided seeing my boyfriend, and skipped out on some social events. After the summer, I had about a month where I wasn't picking at all. I forgot about my skin and it cleared up so well. However, for the past couple months, it has taken over my life. A lot of changes happened in my life over the past couple months, including starting law school which I think has triggered my stress which in turn triggers my picking. It has been a never-ending cycle over the past couple of months. My skin will clear up and will be fine for a week or so. Then I will find a blemish, something completely insignificant to anyone else. It will start with me touching it and touching it. Then from touching it it becomes irritated. Then I try to pop it and there will be nothing there. And then it just gets worse and I end up with some kind of wound. Then the wound will scab or it will never scab and I put a million different products on waiting for it to go away. I isolate myself from my friends, I become so depressed, and I cannot get on with my day. I feel like it will never go away, even though it always eventually does. But I always prolong the time for it to go away because I continue picking the wound, keep scrubbing it, and cannot leave it alone. I had a bad episode a few weeks ago. I had promised myself I would never do it again. When it finally cleared up, I was acting like myself again. Well, I had my first exam and was completely stressed out because I did not think I did well. That same night I picked. It had been a week since I picked this wound and it hasn't gotten any better because I prolong the healing time every day. Every time I pick, I promise myself I will never do it again. Every leftover dark mark on my face is because of a picking episode. I don't have one mark that is actually due to acne or a pimple. It is all self-inflicted, which makes me more depressed because I am so angry at myself for bringing this all on myself. First, does any one have advice as far as healing wounds? I have tried neosporin, aquafor, calamine lotion, and I don't feel like any one of those particular products helps. I know I need to heal internally for me to really fix this problem. I just don't know how. I have tried to communicate this with my mom. She tells me just go on with your day and it will be better if you just leave it alone. It is so much easier said than done though. I cannot just move on with my day. It completely occupies my mind. Any feedback helps. Please use kind words those, because I am in an extremely vulnerable place. Thank you so much.
4 Answers
December 14, 2013
Hi and welcome! I also just joined this site however I have been reading others posts for months. Let me just say that everything you just wrote is exactly how I feel. Also exactly my "cycle" of destroying my face. I have been picking for the past four years. My face has pits and scars all over it. I get so depressed when I wake up in the mornings and look at my face in the mirror. I have spent thousands of dollars on face washes, dermatologist, peels, facial and laser treatments. All of this money spent to turn right around and destroy it! It makes no sense but I can't seem to stop. I am a single mother of a ten year old little girl who is clearly aware of her mom's "bad habit." I feel so guilty. ....I chose to sit uncomfortably on my sink picking rather than spend quality time with her. I know I need counseling but I have no insurance nor the money to purchase insurance. This cycle has to end someway somehow. As soon as I make a slight improvement (two days or so w out picking) I end up right back into that vicious trance and pick away with any object I can find. I have wasted so much time, so much energy, so much money, strained numerous relationships because of my skin picking. I'm just so lost in so many areas of my life and this is certainly one of those areas!! Something has to change. ......and soon. Until then, I will continue t o ask God for guidance and support and I HAVE to believe that one day this self destructive behavior will no longer be of existence in my life. Thanks for letting me vent......I'm dreading waking up tomorrow to feel and see the pain I inflicted on myself for several hours earlier tonight! Ugggghhhhh! It has to end!
December 14, 2013

In reply to by scar4life

Hi scar4life. Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I don't wish this on anyone. I know exactly how you feel. Every morning I wake up it is painful to look in the mirror. It is a battle to get ready in the morning. I just stare at myself in the mirror and I feel like a freak. I am so angry at myself for doing this. All I want to do is sleep all day to make the time pass while my wounds get better. But then it feels like it takes forever for them to make any progress and heal and then it gives me more opportunity to mess with them and make them worse. As you mentioned before, I have tried a million products. Is there anything that you find really helps heal your skin? Thank you.
December 22, 2013

In reply to by ret16

Hi if its scabs or flakey skin of picking your want to get rid of keep applying E45 cream over and over again or cake it on your face as a mask. It works goood. X
December 26, 2013
Hi girl, Hang in there and don't give up. People that don't pick don't understand how obsessed we are with those little imperfections on our face. They will tell you, "Why can't you just not pick?" Well if you tell an alcoholic, "Why can't you just not drink," he will look at you like you're an ignorant asshole. What I'm trying to say is our picking is an addiction which needs to be treated with therapy, time and patience. Alcoholics do not just reform overnight. We don't either. The trick is to stay strong, find some tools that help to cope better with the urges and get lots of support which you can find here. Don't give up. Don't let this addiction ruin your life.

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