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savedbymakeup , 25 Dec 2013

Marred by sores--ashamed

I have never done this before. I decided today to reach out because I simply can't do this anymore. It is ruining my life. I know my skin picking is not as severe as many, as I am a mental health therapist and have researched skin picking; however, I feel horribly ashamed and crippled by my constant need to pick at minuscule bumps on my face, neck, chest, and back. I currently have sores all over these areas. I am getting ready for Christmas dinner with my family, and there is literally ONE dress I can wear that won't show most of my sores. Even with this dress, I have to wear a cardigan to cover my shoulders. I frequently put make-up all over my chest and back so that I won't have to look at the sores in the mirror or because I am wearing clothes that show these areas, and I have to cover them for fear of someone thinking how disgusting I am. In yoga class the other day, the instructor came around while we relaxed at the end and adjusted my neck, turning my head from side to side. Of course, I couldn't relax and could only think that she saw the sores and thought I was gross. I know her and her boyfriend, so I imagined she would also tell her boyfriend about the sores. I felt so ashamed. My self-esteem is in the toilet. I feel like I am disgusting, and I feel like this is my deep, dark secret. I need help. I just cut my nails super short to try and stop, though I know this will only work for so long. I was thinking hypnotism? I don't know.
2 Answers
December 26, 2013
Hi girl, Don't be too hard on yourself. I understand exactly how you feel. When I pick at my skin, even if its one red spot left afterwards, I feel so guilty ashamed and embarrassed that I want to cry and not leave the house till its healed. I live with my boyfriend so sometimes I find myself wearing make up to bed because I don't want him to know that I picked. It's ridiculous. People walk around us every day with face full of acne and acne scars and they seem to not give a shit. However, we the pickers have horribly low self esteem because our skin is not perfect. I think accepting our imperfections is the first step. I'm not sure really how to get over my shame and pain. Hopefully we can all figure it out together. Hang in there. Remember, people don't judge you as harshly as you do yourself.
December 26, 2013

In reply to by nastyab

Thanks so much. I just need to know that I am not alone. I know I need to seek help. I have had therapy for years for so many related issues, but this one is hard to tackle. I appreciate your kind words. It's just not something I can talk about with people who don't do it. I am hoping this new year of my life (I just had a birthday) will be the year I kick. You are so right, I know I am my toughest critic. Again, I appreciate your words.

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