relapsing over and over again

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April 20, 2009

i know sumwhat hw u feel i cant say all the way cause we all gothrough it diff..i hv the same prob ive been doing it every since i can remember annd im 22 scks knwing ur picking and u cnt stp but u wnt to ..i try and keep my hands busy or my thoughts in a good place ive relized tht whn im mad or sad i pick more..but it still occures ..but i get satisfaction knwing i only pickd at my face half the day rather then the funny but i try..

April 23, 2009

yeah. the perfectionist in me thinks "oh ive ruined it" if i say im not going to do it again, but then do. but i guess its good to celebrate the small victories

April 26, 2009

Today is my second day not picking. I just found this site and it is defenitly good to know others are going through the same thing. I just started a journal and wrote down when I pick(for example - at night when getting ready for bed, after sex, before getting in the shower) Where do I pick ( example - in the bathroom) and what are my triggers ( looking at my arms). I am taking this one day at a time. I am involved in a 12 step program(Narcotics Anymous) so I apply the skills and suggetions of not using drugs that I have learned to help me not pick. Picking my skin is defenitly an addiction. It is mind-alterting and I sort of get a high from doing it but mostly I think it takes me away from other things I am thinking about and helps me release the stress I have built up throughout the day. I think that is why I almost always pick at night before going to sleep. I am keeping track of how many days I go without picking because it feels good when I looked at my calendar and see that I have not use drugs in one year and 100 days so I think the same method might help me not pick. For me one is too many and a thousand is never enough. So I can't pick just a little because I think that just triggers the addiction all over again and then once I start I can't get enough and hhave a hard time stopping myself. The urge to pick is still strong today but I do not look at my arms so that helps and I just tell my self "not today, I am not going to pick right now" and I re-direct my thoughts to something positive, like wearing my bathing suit without a tee-shirt to cover my arms, or wearing my wedding dress this June!!!! and feeling beautiful and condident. I hope my story helps somebody....... I know your stories help me : )