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munchkin , 16 Feb 2014

Just found out and I really want someone to hear my story, this is going to be a long read, I am sorry

Hi, I really feel I need to let this out and it will probably be a long text, I am sorry and I hope someone will read it and talk to me. My mom and I are very close, she knows everything about me, she's helped me through all of my rough patches but for the first time in my life I feel that I have no one to talk to. My mom has had enough sleepless nights because of me and I think this would be too much. I have been picking at my skin since I was maybe 8 years old, maybe younger, can't remember. I've had better times and worse periods, right now I am in the worst period ever. I have always thought I am somekind of weirdo and absolutely alone in this, my mom knows i pick my skin, actually she thinks i scratch it (I thought it sounded less weird when i was caught and had to explain). I distinctively remember this one time when I was maybe 14 when I saw this girl in a tanktop (I always wear long sleeves) and her arms were covered in small red soars, just like mine. I told my mom to look at her and I was absolutely stunned about the fact that there were other people doing this too. I have never heard of this condition ever until just 15 minutes ago, at the moment I am just crying my eyes out because now I know theres others like me, I'm not alone and this actually has a name?! And a cure and diagnosis and everything. I am 20 now. I moved abroad to work as an au-pair just 2 months ago and since that my skinpicking has gone totally out of control, I'm supposed to go home for the weekend to see my boyfriend in a few weeks and I have tried to not pick and let my skin heal but now I'm afraid to go home and see the person I miss the most and that makes me feel even worse. Since I moved to my host-family my skinpickingsessions can last up to 3 hours, i start with my upper arms and move to my legs and from there to my thighs, my breasts and my face. At this point I am out of control so I'll start frantically searching through my whole body for any kind of bump to pick. I also tear the skin of the soles of my feet, my cuticles and I've been a hardcore 24/7 lipbiter since forever. My skin looks absolutely awful and if I can't pick at my skin I eat instead so I've gain weight too ontop of everything. I pick my skin when I'm bored and when I'm anxious or stressed, everyday before I go to bed so I don't get much sleep either. I've always done this but now it's gotten seriously out of hand, before I moved abroad I could control it to some extent but now I dont know what to do. Therapy is not an option, neither is quitting my au-pair job and going home, I need to take care of this by myself, somehow, I am way too ashamed and proud to let anyone I know know but I realise I need somekind of help and that is why I'm reaching out now, I am so excited and relieved to find out about all of this, finally I have a name for it and finally I know what it is and I'm not alone in this. Thank you so much in forehand!
3 Answers
February 16, 2014
Sorry for the wall of text! Just hope someone has the nerves to read it all and please let me know your thoughts and tips and just anything!
February 16, 2014
I just want to add that i have never suffered from acne, I still don't, my skin is very dry though. And my neck and back are seriously hurting all the time, I have troubles getting up from bed in the morning bc it hurts so much.
February 20, 2014
I read this and thought to myself that I could have wrote this. So many similarities. I am happy for you that you discovered that you are not alone. For so long I also thought I was the only one suffering from this disorder and I always wondered what the hell was wrong with me. It was such a relief when I found out I was not the only one. I have good periods and bad periods actually right now I am experiencing a bad relapse I have picked so much everywhere I have bloody scabs all over my entire body. I feel so ugly. I am too embarrassed to let people close to me know this except my mom and boyfriend. I hope all is well with you!

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