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Hi, I really feel I need to let this out and it will probably be a long text, I am sorry and I hope someone will read it and talk to me. My mom and I are very close, she knows everything about me, she's helped me through all of my rough patches but for the first time in my life I feel that I have no one to talk to. My mom has had enough sleepless nights because of me and I think this would be too much. I have been picking at my skin since I was maybe 8 years old, maybe younger, can't remember. I've had better times and worse periods, right now I am in the worst period ever. I have always thought I am somekind of weirdo and absolutely alone in this, my mom knows i pick my skin, actually she thinks i scratch it (I thought it sounded less weird when i was caught and had to explain). I distinctively remember this one time when I was maybe 14 when I saw this girl in a tanktop (I always wear long sleeves) and her arms were covered in small red soars, just like mine. I told my mom to look at her and I was absolutely stunned about the fact that there were other people doing this too. I have never heard of this condition ever until just 15 minutes ago, at the moment I am just crying my eyes out because now I know theres others like me, I'm not alone and this actually has a name?! And a cure and diagnosis and everything. I am 20 now. I moved abroad to work as an au-pair just 2 months ago and since that my skinpicking has gone totally out of control, I'm supposed to go home for the weekend to see my boyfriend in a few weeks and I have tried to not pick and let my skin heal but now I'm afraid to go home and see the person I miss the most and that makes me feel even worse. Since I moved to my host-family my skinpickingsessions can last up to 3 hours, i start with my upper arms and move to my legs and from there to my thighs, my breasts and my face. At this point I am out of control so I'll start frantically searching through my whole body for any kind of bump to pick. I also tear the skin of the soles of my feet, my cuticles and I've been a hardcore 24/7 lipbiter since forever. My skin looks absolutely awful and if I can't pick at my skin I eat instead so I've gain weight too ontop of everything. I pick my skin when I'm bored and when I'm anxious or stressed, everyday before I go to bed so I don't get much sleep either. I've always done this but now it's gotten seriously out of hand, before I moved abroad I could control it to some extent but now I dont know what to do. Therapy is not an option, neither is quitting my au-pair job and going home, I need to take care of this by myself, somehow, I am way too ashamed and proud to let anyone I know know but I realise I need somekind of help and that is why I'm reaching out now, I am so excited and relieved to find out about all of this, finally I have a name for it and finally I know what it is and I'm not alone in this. Thank you so much in forehand!