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BrandiMarie6 , 23 Feb 2014

A lifetime of pain

Hi, I'm new to this site, as I too realized I'm "not the only one". Though I've had these problems my entire life and have felt alienated in retrospect. It started with hair twirling and scab picking/chewing. Turned into primarily acne popping/blemish scratching and hair twirling. As of late I've turned into a monster and at all times of the day I'm scratching anything remotely raised on my body. I tried to get smart and only pick the boy so viable areas such as groin, scalp, thighs, breasts, & behind my ears. That only led to an exacerbation of the original problem and from there i started pulling my facial hair out along with digging holes in my scalp and face. I have more started the whole chewing thing again as everything is picked to the point of a scab. I'm honestly disgusted with myself and I have no d desire to be around anyone with a heartbeat outside of my two boys (11&13). The outcry I have put on this website is mostly because my sons have formeda few of their own quirks and I feel as if I am to blame. Though they both desperately try to get me to stop, it is to no avail and in turn the guilt that follows throws me into a tailspin after they've gone to bed. My 11yr. Old chess on his hair and shirt collar & sleeves. I have since cut his hair and principal that helped but the shirt must go on. He also picks his nose so bad it bleeds and he constantly gets step of the nose. I didn't even know that existed until my 13yr.old who thinks he is my primary caretaker, had a thing with picking or as he calls it (peeling) skin. He does it on his feet incessantly. He also does the wolf biter thing with the skin on his fingers, and he also bites his toenails after showers. Both of them make straight A's and ate extremely intelligent. They are great kids and also have great manners. I'm extremely blessed to have them and desperately want to do right by them. I need direction and support as my entire family are both addicts and recovering from a great loss. My five year old nephew that i primarily raised called me tt mama (auntie-mama) and my boys brother cousins was killed by a drunk driver a year ago January 27th. I am 31, a single mother who had a pro traumatizing childhood. My stepfather took liberties he shouldn't have from 4-13 and my mothering is an addict. All of which have made me a better mother and I wouldn't change my past as I like who I am, well outside of this Crap with the picking. Someone anyone... Please direct me... I am lost in a sea of uninformative information. Bless you

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