My Scars - My Story


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April 27, 2009

hey, i just wanted to say i feel for you. it must be tough not having as many options for treatment as you would like. maybe you could try a 12 step meeting. Also, I can relate to how it feels after you pick and everything hurts and stings. Im trying to use that feeling as motivation to not pick, because i hate it so much. good luck to you. i wish you recovery
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April 27, 2009

Thanks, it feels sooo good to know theres more people out there like me. What is a 12 step program and how do I get involved with it? Im willing to try just about anything right now, I just cant let this control my life anymore. Thanks for commenting..
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April 27, 2009

yes, I can also relate to hating the pain after a binge of picking. It is also when I am lying in bed. I think to myself " why did I do this again?" Today I have three days without picking. I try to remember the disgust and guilt and hurt after a picking episode to help me not do it again. I am thinking of doing a session of online therapy they have available through this website. Has anyone tried it yet? You have my support lotus. If I can go for three day so can you!!! I say that because I just feel sometimes like I am helpless over this crazy addiction and I feel like it is so out of control. Today is a good day though. It is a good feeling to wake up in the morning with fairly smooth, un-picked, pain-free skin : ) I do have several small scabs still but they are starting to heal. There are lots of scars but they are slowly becoming less noticable. I use cocoa butter lotion to help out with that. I also have to keep my finger nails really short right now because my picking is mostly trying to sqeeze or pop any bump that I think looks like a pimple. I pick mainly on my upper arms now because it is the easiest area to hide. I do on my face a little but I refrain from looking to closely at a mirror. I think there is hope for us!!! : ) mamma
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April 27, 2009

Thank you for the words of encouragement. Im glad you have gone 3 days without picking, It gives me hope, I have tried and have been unsuccessful all times. At night before I go to bed I put polysporin on all my picks and band-aids if need be, it does not stop me from picking but it does help heal the pick a bit faster and it does not get as big and gross looking as it would without the ointment. That is pretty much the only control I have over picking. Today was a good day for me as well, the many picks on my face are starting to heal and have become less red and noticable. It felt great to walk out of the house with a bit of confidence today! I would like to try the online therapy also. If you try it, let me know how it goes and if it helped you any. It would be a big step for me to speak out about this because other than this website and my mom always telling me to "STOP PICKING", I have never talked openly about this to anyone, not even my closest friends. Take care, Lotus Flower
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May 06, 2009

Hi Lotusflower Just checking up on the forums and wondering how you are doing, how many days without picking? I have gone six consecutive days now without picking. Yesterday the urge was so strong. When I got home from working out at the gym I had to call my fiance before getting in the shower. I put him on speaker phone to let him know I was about to get in the shower. I had to do this as a pro-active measure to help me not pick. When I am in the bathroom by myself with my skin exposed the urge becomes very real and strong. I talked to him while I was waiting for the water to get hot. I did not take my clothes off until right before I got in the shower and hung up the phone. I also called him as soon as I got out of the shower. He was on speaker phone until I was dressed and out of the bathroom. This may seem extreme to some but I am trying everything to help me stop this crazy addiction. Keep me updated on how u are doing......
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May 05, 2009

I'm only fourteen years old. After reading all these forums, im kind of scared. I have the exact same problem, if theres not somethin in my hands i have to pick. I have to wear long sleeves and long pants too. i cant swin at the beach anymore. i have scars. I hate it mostly cuz im only fourteen, and everybody around me is wearing shorts, skirts, caprise and so on. i hope ot gets better for you! keep ur confidents up. and talk to a skin doctor, i did and now i have a sychiatrist! :)
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May 06, 2009

I remeber having my "silky blnket" taken away before kindergarden too. My mom told me I was a big girl now and didn't need it. My story is though, my dad died when I was not quit 4 months old. and my 1st stepdad beat my brothewr and myself, ( he was my step dad befor I turned one year old) ; my mom found out, divorced him moved to Colorado and by the time I was 3 I had a new stepdad. The one who molested me for about 8 years or so. I have picked for as long as I can remeber. And a history of picking "bad men" doesn't help with stress and anxiety. For all you younger people out there with CSP, PLEASE, PLEASE get help now. If you think your scars look bad now wait about 37 years and then tell me what you think about them. Cuz my scars are so bad that I don't even know what my skin should look like cuz I have so many spots. I have gone to using dark colored sheets and blankets and all my clothes are black or dark blue (people think "goth" when they see me). But I would not dare wear white in fear that I might fail myself, pick and bleed and someone would notice. Do I want to stop? Yes, in the worst way do I ever want to stop. I think about being an old lady in a nursing home and still picking. To me that is a horrifing thought. I told my husband that all the pain, shame and guilt that I feel everyday I wear on the outside. If my family ( my brothers and sister) would except what I do and why I do it and have always done it maybe then it will stop.