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Stuck_30something , 11 Jul 2014

If I just could not pick, my face might look ok

Hello, I'm 30 and have struggled with this for what seems like an eternity. It's shaped my life. The times of my life where it hasn't been terrible, I've been in living situations where the lighting and mirrors were such that I could never see myself that great. I've been debating going on Accutane, a very serious acne medication, but would really not like to. I'm at times, desperate to stop. I am in the most loving relationship. The first relationship I've ever been in where I go without makeup (at times) and shower in front of. I hate summer for this reason (hard to wear makeup). I take jobs that don't make a big deal out of appearance or where I can cover up with hats and stuff. The amount of shame and embarrassment I have around this one area is unruly. I've been in psychotherapy for years and have (proud to say) worked hard to get out of some very deep lows. My family is thick with anxiety disorders, I'm sure that is part. I have never been able to stop but dream about it all the time. For me, that would be absolute freedom. Nobody has ever told me there were more people out there struggling with this very thing. It has always felt a lot more serious than people treat it. Since I was young, I can remember hours in the bathroom spent this way and then that awful awful feeling of seeing what I've done and knowing the next few weeks would be devoted to masking it and staying in and buying special make-up and acne products and clothes and things to make me feel even the slightest bit pretty (or less monstrous). I am in a bad spell again. Going to cut my nails. Change the lighting. Remove some mirrors and cover some mirrors up. I feel stuck. Has anybody gone through this online 8 week program? I feel doubtful it would help.
1 Answer
July 16, 2014
Hi there! Your story is very similar to my own. I also recall many wasted hours in front the mirror and the horrible aftermath. To this day (I'm 43!), I still have those episodes. We have in common the fact that stopping picking would certainly mean freedom! That is the ultimate goal! Over the years, I have learned to forgive myself following an episode. That has been important as the guilt sometimes leads to further picking and an endless cycle. Treating yourself kindly is extremely important. Also, if I have picked, I do find that the calamine lotion is great for covering and healing. Since I can't see them, it allows me to not focus so much on my skin. I also try to exercise regularly, eat well, meditate. All of these help alleviate the obsession that I have with my skin. With regards to the 8 week program, I have not tried it, but it would be interesting to hear from others that have. Good luck to you!

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