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Anonymousgirlperson , 06 Aug 2014

My story:feet,lips,and nose picking, anxiety,depression,thoughts of suicide

Hi guys, I wanted to share my story with you. Sorry it's really long.It started out as feet-picking and lip picking/biting and now it's my nose. I always wash my hands after doing this btw, and please don't judge me, it's caused me much shame, guilt, and embaressment. For a while I had stopped doing any picking whatsoever but then two years ago when I was a sophomore in high school I met someone who made me question my sexuality which caused me a lot of stress and guilt and anxiety (even though I live in a liberal area) and then I started nose picking. It's really embarrassing and I'm really ashamed of it. This is the first time I've even acknolaged it. I'm so glad I found this website and know that there are other people going through the same thing I am. I keep trying to stop but to no avail. I feel like if I moved away I might be able to stop, because sometimes it's associated with bad memories that I have and I'm 18 and my parents have always been extremely overprotective but they're trying not to be now because I'm an adult. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 13 and recently I went through a long period of serious depression, and it sucked because I was so depressed that I could not focus in school and as a result I could not get into college. My depression is better now but it's still there. I also have anxiety issues.i tried pot but it only made my anxiety worse. I went to therapy but I was too embarrassed and afraid to tell my therapist about the picking and suicidal thoughts, so she thought there was nothing wrong with me and dismissed me from therapy. In a way I'm glad because I'm afraid of what psychological medication might do to me and I really don't want to be hospitalized. Anyway, sorry this was so long, I know if you're reading this you probably think I'm exaggerating or overreacting, but it really has caused me a lot of pain emotionally. My biggest worry is that I might do something that would injure me so much that I would need surgery, and I feel like if that were to happen I would kill myself. I also worry about my habits being found out because I don't know if I could go on living if people knew about it. I really don't want to kill myself though, and I don't plan on doing so. Anyway, I'm sorry this was so long, if anyone took the time to read this,I thank you. I'm so glad I found this forum because it helps to know that I'm not suffering alone. Luckily I have been feeling less depressed lately and I'm hoping I'll get even less depressed. My apologies again for the length. I just want today god bless you to everyone one this forum(even though I don't believe in god but I don't know what else to say. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.
2 Answers
August 07, 2014
Please don't feel alone, your definately not alone Hun xx
August 16, 2014
I just found this site about 20 minutes ago, ironically while looking up how to treat an open wound. I'm 26 years old and have been picking as long as I can remember. I was born female but I'm transgender and have always felt like I was in the wrong body. I hate my body as is and I think thats the reason why I tend to pick my scabs or areas of my skin. I also have depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I'm currently undergoing treatment for both but I can't seem to stop picking. I have thought about suicide countless times but now I'm doing better by telling my friends and family I'm transgender and living as a man (though I don't have the money to get surgery or hormones). Anyway I'm kind of just dragging on here, its like 3 am. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone.

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