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101spots , 03 Nov 2014

Your not alone.

This site has been a blessing and a curse for me to find. A blessing as now I know that I am not going crazy and that there are people out there with this condition. A curse because now I have to accept that I have this condition - which I have been suffering from my whole life. This realisation is overwhelming! Skin picking has completely changed my adult life. As a child suffering from this disorder I did not realise the extent of the damage that I had caused. It has only been since my young adult years that the anguish of what I have done to myself has kicked in. Now as a 23 year old female it almost feels unbelievable and is overrunning my entire life. I have since become in a sense a 'hermit crab' where I am too self conscious to show my scars. By the way my scars are everywhere...and I mean covering both of my entire arms, legs and even backside. I have managed to spare my face, hands and feet somewhat but the damage is even there. As I have gotten older, this disorder has caused me to completely cover every inch of my skin that contains these marks. I constantly feel alone, depressed and feel like there is nothing in the world that can help me. I live in Australia (an extremely hot country) where I feel I am forced to wear jeans and cardigans all year round to conceal this addiction. I do this in an effort to conceal my anguish and I find it is my only coping mechanism. I know now from this website that other people have experienced similar issues and can relate to the EXTREME embarrassment, low self esteem and anxiety that this disorder causes. It's uncontrollable and is such a difficult disorder to deal with. I truly believe that only people with this disorder understand how it fundamentally affects your life. As I said in the beginning it is a blessing and a curse to know that there are others like me out there. I wish we could all be accepted into society with this disorder minus the states and question. I pray for all the other people out there that have yet to accept or acknowledge their disorder as a problem and I feel your pain and loneliness.

3 Answers
December 17, 2014

Dear 101spots,

Thank you for your post & for having the courage to tell your story or rather "nightmare." I just found this site and I can relate with what you said about it being a blessing and a curse. I didn't even know this was an actual disorder, I just thought I must be incredibly messed up inside, suffering from extreme OCD(not diagnosed), I'm a freak with a shameful secret.
Until today , I've never had the courage to admit to myself much less anyone else, that what I'm doing is effecting EVERY aspect of my life!
I mainly am obsessed with plucking hair and picking at my face & hairline. It so disgusting to look in the mirror. I've pretty much plucked/tweezed one whole eyebrow gone, the other eyebrow is a single line of hairs so I have to draw in with makeup my eyebrows- trying to look normal, before I will even open my door to go get my mail! All of my eyelashes are gone! Now I have given myself painful,ugly ingrown hairs all over my face, neck, hairline! Geez..... WTF? What's happening to me? Why do I continue to "Pick" when I know that I hate the results that it gives me?
I'm trying so hard to not get totally overwhelmed by all of this & not succumb to the depression - .

At 25, I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD, I have suffered from Depression since my teens, I have KP ( Keratosis Pilaris) red bumps on my arms & legs, I went through 7 surgeries due to Endometriosis, I then battled an Addiction/Dependence to Pain Medications for many,many brutal years and now I have another disorder to face?!? Really?
On Dec.2,2014, I celebrated my 2 year anniversary of being clean and solber from drugs!!! :). YEAH!
I thought to myself, "this is it, I finally have my crap together, I beat this addiction & now I can have the life I always wanted."
Oops, not so fast-
- Now I have this obsession with plucking every hair even the light little hairs that I call "peach fuzz", must come out!
It's getting pretty damn hard to find my "silver-lining" these days!

So I can totally relate to how this disorder can control your life in every way.

December 30, 2014

Hello..I am an Iranian whether the site is an Iranian, I can speak with her?

January 28, 2015

Thank you 10spots for sharing your story. I just joined this community and I too have finally come to admit that I have a disorder. I support you! I hope that we can all recover together.

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