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Skin picking is my bad habit. My vice. Its almost like a trance state that I get into every single time I look into a mirror and suddenly see it all - all the pores, the lumps, the bumps, the hairs.
It doesn't matter to me that nobody will ever see my skin as closely as I do when I look at it in a magnifying mirror.
It doesn't matter to me that what I consider horrifying "spots" or "blemishes" are probably non existent to anyone else.
Honestly it feels like my hands have a life of their own. As soon as I get to a mirror I genuinely don't have the willpower to just walk away without giving something a squeeze. There's a sick satisfaction to it - its like hypnosis or a trance. And the more stressed I get the less control I have. When I have exams, or fights with the family I literally mutilate my face to compensate for the tension I feel within me, its like a bizarre form of release.
This means my face is permanently red and scabbed over. I've given myself scars that would have never existed had I just Not. Touched. My. Face. What's more, the skin that isn't damaged by scars and scabs is red and painful because of all the products I've used trying to dry up the icky messes I create. Tea tree oil, benzyl peroxide, soda, lemon, ice, you name it, I've tried it, and the result is that my skin is just a tortured mess. What's worse, is that I've created this mess - I've mutilated myself.
But, dwelling on the damage I've done over the past 3 years (how long I've had this wonderful habit) isn't going to repair my skin. I need to stop, and stop for good. No touching, no picking, no prodding, not even for that "tiny little spot right there". Nada. The worst thing is that I don't even have bad skin. Yes I get the occasional white head and blemish, but the utter MESS that I turn my face into is my fault, and my fault alone.
I've tried beating this a couple of times now, but I've been unsuccessful thus far. But the time has come. If I carry on the way I'm going now I will ruin my skin and my face forever, because I don't think my skin will continue recovering from my assaults indefinitely.
I've taken down all the mirrors. I've put up post sticks everywhere begging me to keep my hands off my face. I've told my family to not let me go anywhere near my skin. I want to give it a week to start with - 7 days of no touching AT ALL. Then 10. Then hopefully two weeks. My goal is a month, and then until Christmas. My hope is that if I post to this forum everyday for the first seven days, I'll have the motivation and will power to just leave my face be and let it heal. Currently my forehead is okay, but I've done mass damage in the past couple of days to the sides of my cheeks, and everything is in tiny red scabs and scars.
So here it is, my first post. Day 1 of no picking starts tomorrow, wish me luck!