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So this is my first time ever using this site. After trying to convince myself I don't have a problem for 10 years, I desperately need some kind of support system to heal and learn to stop. So, I'm starting here. I have never talked to anyone about this ever. I feel so ashamed and do everything in the book to hide this habit.
So, usually I have a system to dry wounds so that I can cover them with make up. I obsess over making them flat to make them less noticeable. Even when covered, I can't stop worrying about people knowing what I'm hiding. This method has resulted in ice pick scars, which I desperately want to surgically fix, and sadly will likely never afford.
So here's my current situation I desperately need thoughts on: a couple weeks ago, I had a horrible pimple on my nose. This led to a very small wound. It got very close to healing, but then I noticed something white. In recent months, I've been discovered these white dots that look like pimples, but turn out to be these hard long columns. I asked my derm about them (she did not see them), who told me they were hair root sheaths. I can't find anything on the internet that quite describes what I am seeing. While I do want to understand what they are/if it's bad to be cutting them out/etc, right now I want to deal with the aftermath of my picking. After realizing what this white spot was, I kept digging and digging to find the most I've ever seen. I finally had sort of a scab (so light, just holding together), and I thought it was making progress. Today I could still see some more white spots, and just couldn't stop myself from opening this wound back up and taking them out. Even if I were to let it heal, I know I would make another wound later after losing the ability to not touch it. So, now I have this super deep crater of a wound on the center of my nose. Instead of trying to get this thing to dry to them cover with make up, I know I need to keep it moist. Everything I've found online says I need to. And I can't handle another dent in my face. Even when things are healed, the dents and scars kill my self esteem and attribute to my worsening social isolation.
My big questions are:
1) what's the best way to allow this thing to heal, and hope for the least amount of deep scarring? Not just what to put on it, but any methods to flatten it out with the rest of my skin?
2) I realize I simply have to keep a bandaide on this, and feel I have no other choice. I recently starting using liquid bandaide under make up, but I need this wound to stay moist and heal the best it can. I loathe that humans are so rude and feel the need to ask about everything. I have a special hated for these people. Is there a way to make the bandaide less noticeable? And the biggest question is, how do I face those nasty people? What kind of fake reason can I give if they ask? I would really hate to go back to hiding it in a way that it heals horribly and then scars even worse than it should. I already haven't been leaving the house on days off or seeing people, but I can't call in to work this week.
I desperately need help, and need to start here. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.