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Hi there. I'm a 25 year old female. Been picking since 14(11years). I first came to this forum when I was younger.I did well for a while, then moved back to my hometown and started picking more than ever.I and got a severe infection.That changed everything. I was so emotionally damaged by the scarring that followed I stopped trying to actively recover. I was afraid of myself and what my appearance could mean about me. I got very lost and off track with healing, or so I thought.So some years have passed and I've come to learn a lot about the sources of my picking (emotional and spiritual). Some of what I learned came about from all the questioning I did to try and make sense of what had happened.I pick a lot less now, but the lasting damage to my skin is the source of a lot of suffering in my daily life. Some of my triggers arise from abuse and neglect from my childhood(a chaotic home) and living with people with pretty severe mental illness.These issues from childhood caused a lot of acting out as a teenager and lead to substance abuse, self-harm(picking included),dating unstable people, being unstable emotionally and financially, and many more things I could list but I'll spare you all. Since we all share the issue of picking I'm gonna assume others who use this forum can relate to some of the struggles I've had.So in dealing with my picking I have had to deal with all of me, especially my fears. Sometimes it's re-living a past fear,sometimes I fear the present moment, sometimes I'm fearful of the future. There are things I have figured out about the roots,as I said, but I still struggle with not always being able to stop the addiction. I know that having a place to be anonymous and share is important for healing, so I'm going to use this group as a reminder of where I'm at and where I want to go. I can't live without thinking I may one day be able to get cosmetic surgery. I've come a long way to loving myself better despite my scars (a very important silver-lining when it comes to this disorder), but I can't rest until I've tried everything I can to help my outsides match some of my inner beauty. I have a very long road of recovery, I know it, not just with my skin's appearance, but also in healing the disease inside. If anyone really connects to what I'm saying I would like to create a partnership in healing and accountability. I hide this disorder often, even from the people I love most. It would be great to find people who want to push each other forward. I know the struggle is so real, I wish all you suffering peace!