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almosthealed , 29 May 2009

healing a little more each day

Hi-- I wanted to take the approach that some people have here and post daily on my progress. I've been picking since I was a kid. First scabs, then blackheads as a teenager. Its very similar to so many people's stories here, I'm not going to go into it too much. The thing is, after over 10 years of picking my face, with some pretty severe phases, I've almost quit. I've restrained myself enough for about a month to have basically healed skin, and even the darker spots are fading. I still have urges, and I still sometimes pick, but it is much less, more under control, and causes less damage when I do. Now I want to be done for good. I want to keep trying and trying until it is just DONE. I want to not worry about it. I want to feel completely normal. I've made so much progress that now I actually am totally confident this is possible. Before, I almost always believed I was never going to stop, and I might as well learn to live with it. So, the point of me posting every day is to just keep myself on track and share what is working for me and what insights I have. First, the "just for today" stuff someone else posted is helping. Its kind of corny, but its working. I'll be corny, I'll believe in God if it helps me stop picking!!! Second, the reaching out to someone who can kind of monitor you, just help you through seems really good. I haven't done this right now. But, a few years ago my picking got really really bad. I had a boyfriend at the time who realized I picked, and it was so obvious, it became a topic we could talk about. My picking got so bad, that I just decided I would do ANYTHING to stop, and I started talking to him about it and kind of admitted, that yes I am completely crazy because I can't control this. I put bandaids on the end of each finger. I stayed with him a lot and he motivated me. It was hard to admit that I was so out of control of something so wierd. At the time, it helped a lot. I eventually relapsed, but I think I made some permanent progress at that time. Its like how you have to quit smoking 5 times before it really sticks. Just from that effort, I was not able to quit entirely, but I think it wasn't a lost effort. I realized how out of control it was (up until then, I'd kept it so private--and I think I halfway believed I could stop). Its like I did the first step--admit you have a problem. So, I know how hard it is to talk about this to someone, but if there is someone who will really be supportive, you will feel so much better if you can talk about it. And if you can get their practical help "If you see me picking, remind me to ...", all the better. That's all for now, but I'm going to keep posting regularly about where I'm at and what's helped me. I really think that there are ways to get control over this, even though I know for me it has been a very long process with stops and starts. So don't loose hope!

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