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Picking is even more out of control lately
I am a 20-something skin picker, who has always picked at any bump, imperfection, anything under skin since I can remember.
There were times I had been better about it than others. When I used to have roommates my immense shame of blotchy, picked off, red skin helped to curb a good deal of picking.
When I moved to my new apartment (alone) I told myself that this place was not the place to pick. It helped for a good long time! But the past couple years I had my eating disorder and depression rear it's ugly head and in the aftermath I somehow soothed myself into picking really bad again.
I can't stop. I'm hours late for my job sometimes and I wish it was so easy to say it's a bad habit and I'm lazy and need to get my butt into work.
But I can't stop. And now there are more areas in my apartment that I pick in, other than just the bathroom!! Any bright light area and my arms and chest are destroyed.
I'm not going to give up!! I'm going to try and refocus and change the behavior.
I'm continuing to care for my torn skin and distract myself until the habits of where I am doing it is lessened. I just wish it wasn't so automatic.
I'd like to find more info on stuff like spindle rings? And support groups.
Know you're not alone and we can change our behaviors, no matter how much work it might take.
My heart goes out to others dealing with this!!
It's crazy how we all feel like we're the only one experiencing these picking issues, but finding a site like this shows that there are others feeling the exact same way. I keep reading others peoples posts and thinking "that's exactly how I feel!" I've been picking my face for about 7 years.....I stop for no more than a week, it'll be decently healed.....and then I start all over again. However for about a month I've been using Aquaphor healing ointment on the area after I pick and it's helping A LOT. Other products will break me out or make it worse or not work. I've read a to of suggestions on line, I would literally try anything and so far this is what's finally helping. Now I need to control the picking.....but at least I found something that helps heal. I wish you the very best of luck, I know the feeling you described and it's not a good one.
I know what you mean by living alone vs. living with people. I live with my husband, and the shame I feel from him seeing the results of my picking just kills me. It could be one pimple or it could be a scab or a dark spot - I'll still feel embarrassed and disgusting when my husband looks at me. It's like I know that he knows that I picked. I try to wear concealer, but he's questioned me before on why I'm wearing makeup before bedtime. I think the worst part about our problem as pickets is shame and guilt. We tell ourselves we won't pick again, but then we break that promise and feel like shit about it. We're really judging and punishing ourselves when we think it is people around us that are doing it. I think forgiving ourselves, accepting our imperfect nature and being honest with ourselves is the first step to finding peace.