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Hello. I just joined this site today, even though I've visited and read posts before. I'm 26 years old and I have been picking my entire life. I can't stand to look at myself and I hate pictures or videos of me because my favorite target area is my face. When I was young I used to scrape the skin from my fingers in the shower. I finally found the reason several years ago. I pick at my acne, wounds, scabs, scalp, arms, legs, back and sometimes even chew on the sides of my fingers. But my worst area is my face. I see pictures of when I was younger and want to cry because of how beautiful I used to be. Then I got acne. My face feels like one big scar. Last year it got so bad I dug a massive hole into the side of my face just above my jaw line. It went all the way down to the muscle. Now I have a huge scar. I tried everything from counseling to medication to try and control the urges. They lessened but never stopped. I stopped taking the medication because it made me act like a zombie. I stopped going to therapy because it wasn't helping and I ran out of health insurance. Then I tried sheer willpower. It got a lot better for a long time. It never went away completely but I was able to pop zits or squeeze pores without causing a ton of damage. I had a clear face on Christmas for the first time in years. Then this year I started to relapse. It started small. But now the entire left side of my face is a mess of open wounds and it hurts. I just got a job after being unemployed for over a year. I haven't even started yet but now my face is wrecked and won't be healed by my first day of work. I'm terrified of my coworkers seeing me this way, especially since I'm going to work at a fast food joint. My boyfriend has gone back and forth between being supportive and understanding to being frustrated and impatient. It hurts him to see me fall back like this. He can't stand my picking. I want so badly to stop and be the beautiful person I know that I am. I need help.