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mynameisRed , 13 Sep 2016

HOUSEBOUND FOR OVER A YEAR :'((Acne Rosacea+Skin picking)

7 Answers
September 13, 2016

Oops! I pressed enter after only writing the title!! Ahh! See further comments instead, and sorry! (to be continued...)

September 13, 2016

Hi, I am 21 and I'm not sure when my skin issues started, but they've become severe within the last two years anyway...
First of all, I'd like to say PLEASE DON'T JUDGE ME TOO HARSHLY :'(!! I know that it might seem unbelievable, but I have been hiding/isolating myself due to SEVERE anxiety, fear, and shame for basically just over a year now... I haven't let anyone but my mother and twin (who I'm living with) lay eyes on me since December 2015... It's been so so terrifying and so difficult for me that I haven't been able to seek professional/medical/psychiatric help yet, even though I intend to... Someday... Hopefully... Ugh.

To be honest, I'm quite sure (haven't been diagnosed yet) that this all started out as a form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder that focused on my skin, especially on my face, and that explains why I felt(/feel) like such a hideous monster, even though, when I look back now, I didn't even look that bad before...
But alas, my skin gradually did some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy and I am pretty sure I've developed severe acne rosacea (again, not diagnosed yet) because now it is constantly red and bumpy as all hell and sensitive and burning and dry and flaky and just so terribly blehhhh.
I've been too afraid to let people see me when my face looks like bumpy lava, but I haven't been able to find makeup that works for me, as nothing is going on properly on the super flaky dry bumps?? Everything I've tried is too drying or dark for my skin, even when it's supposed to be "hydrating"... Sigh.
So, what could make matters worse? SKIN PICKING THAT'S WHAT.

After the onset of BDD, I developed the urges to pick along with the negative, intrusive thoughts. I think the thoughts have gotten a little less BDD-like, but the picking and shame remain, so I think it's turned into Skin Excoriation Disorder now... I don't think I've gone a day without picking in months and months, and even if I could deal with that, I don't know what to do about the ruddy appearance of my face, so I've been too afraid to leave my apartment.

Anyway, right now, my goals are to try to figure out what the heck I can do to treat this rosacea(still have no clue), find a moisturizing makeup that works for sensitive, dry, and fair skin (to hide the redness and scabs), and gradually minimize my picking by learning to avoid the urges/triggers that lead to it (still need to work on figuring that out too). If anyone has any advice at all, for any of the above, PLEASE let me know?? Thank you!!! :(

I'm really sorry that this is written poorly and there are many details that I've left out, and I don't know how often I can go on this forum, since I'm super exhausted almost constantly ( I'm disabled, with chronic illnesses/pain, and other mental illnesses, which is another reason I've been stuck at home: no energy left in this poor body most days :( )

Okay so I'm going to leave it at that now, but this is my first time opening up about my situation, as I've been too afraid of judgment until now... But I'm so desperate to be shown compassion or just to hear some nice words from somebody who might understand  a little at least?? Can anybody out there relate to anything I've said or offer some advice? I don't know if I deserve it, and I feel very ashamed for asking, but if anyone has any good things to share, I could really use some kindness and motivation or joy. I'm really struggling and so lonely.

Again, sorry if I sound "crazy"... But in a way, I actually AM, so it makes sense, haha! Mental illness is so freaking hard. And I'm quite a mess right now... But I wish good luck and happiness to every single person out there that needs it! You are all so amazing and you will be okay! I know it. <3

September 13, 2016

Have you thought about doing the online therapy program? I am finding it to be very helpful. I am But I find myself happier and am working on making progress.

September 15, 2016

In reply to by Amy19587

Hi Amy19587! Thank you for leaving a comment for me!! I actually haven't really looked into the online therapy program all that much yet, but that's because I don't think I can afford to pay for something like that right now... My family is currently living under the poverty line, and because I am disabled and have been struggling so much with my health, I can't work at present, and am using my savings to barely pay rent. :/ Perhaps if my situation changes in future, and I can find the money to afford it, I'll check it out. Regardless, thank you for your input, and I'm glad to hear that the program has been helpful for you in some ways! :) I wish you lots of good luck with your journey/recovery and I hope you continue to find more and more happiness along the way!! You deserve it! <3

September 15, 2016

Hi mynameisRed,
I literally just made an account to comment on your post. I have been browsing this site for years as I have this bad habit and reading about it has always helped. Your story broke my heart for you and I had the sudden impulse to actually make an account so I could give you some hope hopefully. I know how it feels to not want to leave the house but fortunately or unfortunately I have never really had the ability to hibernate for more than a day or two at most. If I did not need to work i possibly could have succumb to a similar situation due to my CSP and anxiety so I feel for you!!! Here and a few tips I have learned that I feel for me really help. I know we are all different in the way we heal internally and externally and what works for me may just be me but I felt I had to at least tell you these ideas for what they are worth.
1) organic apple cider vinegar (with the mother) as a toner twice a day does wonders for healing new spots and fading spots left behind. Most people dilute it with 50% water but I don't. Worth diluting it first to see how your skin handles it. It's amazing for anyone's skin but especially people who pick. It kills bacteria, restores ph, and helps speed cell turn over
2. Fresh aloe from the house plant...also restored ph, kills bacteria, moisturizers, speeds healing, and calms inflamed combination with the vinegar healing is fast!
3. Hydrocolloid bandaids especially if you don't leave the house you can leave them on the bad spots for a long time. The firstly prevent you from touching the spot with a physical barrier, they actually absorb the wound drainage, they protect skin from forming a thick dark scab that you will want to pick more, and they really really speed healing! I have left them on a bad spot for 24-36 hours before and when I took them off you could barely see it when otherwise I would have had a big scab for a week.
4. Journaling is so helpful. Whenever you feel like your mind is obsessing over your skin writing a stream of your thoughts in a journal is a great outlet to relieve some of that tension before it explodes and you attack your face. One thing that I have come up with, that may really help with BDD which I really feel I have as well, is to sketch your face in the morning when you wake up and automatically start "assessing" the situation and how you want to "fix" it. If you step away from the mirror and draw a face and then sketch in the marks that are bothering you trying to be realistic as opposed to exaggerated, then sit back and view your sketch it gives you a much better perspective. I feel like it allows me to identify exactly what my mind is stuck on and accept it and let it go. Also it allows me to step outside myself for a moment and most of the time when I look at my sketch I realize that a mojority of my skin is okay and in comparison to the actual size of the blemishes. My head seems to blow them out of proportion.

I also would suggest as hard as it may be trying to get out of the house little bits at a time to regain your confidence and soon you will realize no one sees what we see when we look at ourselves. Sunshine, saltwater, and fresh air...and sweat from a good run heal better than anything else I have found!!

September 15, 2016

Let-it-be gave some awesome advice. I also have been starting to use apple cider vinegar and witch hazel. I am also making the switch to all natural face products. I am anxiously waiting for my order on etsy. I have yet to switch to an all natural mineral makeup cause I'm afraid I won't get the coverage I want/need..but we shall see. I also use the the Hydrocolloid bandaids..I had started to use aloe but unfortunately I had some sort of reaction and it made my face redder, but I know a lot of people have had success with it.
Journaling is also starting to be very helpful. I just started a blog so I am hoping that will be good motivation for me to keep being mindful and not give up.
I would also like to suggest to get rid of all your mirrors and maybe just keep one for makeup, but don't keep it in your bathroom since you go in there frequently. I never thought about doing a sketch, but I can see how that make help...I may have to try that.
Remember you are your own worst enemy and you are so much more than your skin picking!!! One day at a time.

September 17, 2016

Have you tried coconut oil for treating the dryness and promote healing? I use it constantly. I have no experience with rosacea but it may be worth a try. Às for make up...a cheap but decent concealing foundation can be found at kmart. Unsure of the brand but it is one of if not the cheapest there and it comes in a little tube. I mix it with moisturiser to created a bit of a bb cream and then use compressed makeup from estee lauder over top. Good luck best wishes xx

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