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I somewhat don't want to stop?
So basically, my case isn't bad as others, but it's still a problem. Firstly, I've bitten the crap out of my nails since I was a little girl. I mean, really young. Around 6th grade, it calmed down A LOT. I would rarely do it. Then around my senior year, I would bite them down and much as possible, then let them grow out as long as I could. Paint them, file them, make them all pretty. But once I broke a nail, I just HAD to tear it off, and bite it down. Then, manually tear off all my other nails and bite them. Then start over. It was a cycle that went on for a while. I just couldn't stand my nails all being different lengths. But now, for about 7 months, I haven't been able to stop again. Especially my right index finger. Yeah, when I get nervous or anxious, I bite. But even when I'm simply bored or focused, I do it. Now, for my lip.. I would only pick at my bottom lip during the winter, when it was get chapped. Summer and spring came along, I'd stop. For for about three years, it's so constant. I pick at my lips every single day. Something about it is so satisfying. To feel it tearing off. Even better than taking off that clear film from a brand new TV, tablet, etc. When I'm 100% alone, I get more aggressive with it. I avoid licking my lips, so it gets even drier, and easier to peel. I try to peel off the biggest piece possible without it breaking off too soon. Then I eat it. Why? I have no clue. It's almost so rewarding to me. Sometimes, if I get to close to my putter lip, it will start hurting super bad. At that point, I quicking rip it off like a bandage. It's a rush, but uncomfortable at the same time? During these sessions, I normally bleed. When I'm done, the tips of my thumb and index finger are covered in blood. Which is visually satisfying? I don't think I get scabs, but just very obvious marks from where I get too aggressive. Sometimes people will point them out, but I wear a lot of lipstick, so it covers it up. But matte lipstick usually tends to dry lips too. It definitely doesn't make my boyfriend happy.. but, I don't care to stop? Not the lip part, at least. My nails looks awful though. Why is it so enjoyable though, to pick at my lips? I don't get it. But I don't think I'll try to stop anytime soon...
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