I feel so hopeless


Live a Happier Life - Free from Picking

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September 06, 2017

Big hugs, I know that feeling too well. How long have you been struggling with skin picking? A special occasion or an event can cause stress, which builds up over time until we give in and pick. I have noticed this same exact behavior in myself. When I am waiting for a particular day to arrive, the anticipation turns into anxiety, which proceeds to skin picking behavior. The mistake you made was in putting too much pressure on yourself. First of all, its amazing progress that you went a whole week without picking. You need to show more self-compassion...this is the only way to get better. You cannot stop cold turkey. Even if you go a month without picking, you can easily mess up and revert to picking afterwards. This condition is a chronic, longtime behavioral problem which needs chronic, longtime behavior modification. Think of it as any serious problem such as alcoholism or drug addiction. Others might not understand, its not an often talked about problem. My last therapist completely didnt understand, my family didnt take it seriously, and even my husband didnt take it seriously until he lived with me for two years and saw the pattern of behavior unfold. How were you able to resist the urges for the whole week? What strategies do you implement and what have you noticed has helped you? Did resisting the urge for that whole week cause you to become more anxious? Healing from this revolves around repetition. Repetitive behavior which helps to null the urges. I think that the goal is to draw out the pick free in-between phases. So the more pick free weeks you can have (even if you mess up in between)....it still symbolizes progress. Beating yourself up for slipping wont help you but will only revert you to having stronger urges to pick. I think there is a self hate concept involved with this affliction and when we feed it more self hatred and disdain it only amplifies in strength.
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September 07, 2017

Hi, I know exactly the type of thing you are describing. I pick at my scalp and I have a deep indent at the top of my head from picking for years. It started when I was on Accutane and my skin was super dry. Now I can't stop picking. It's hidden by my hair but there are bald spots where I continuously pick. Now, it sounds like you have a genuine desire to stop picking. Relapsing is normal and I know that people who suffer from this condition often feel helpless and disappointed in themselves after doing so. But just know that this is a strong addiction, and you won't be able to overcome it right away. The efforts you've put in so far are commendable and should be acknowledged. I also go into a trancelike state. I think the difference between our situations is that I actually don't really want to stop. I know that is horrible to say, but I feel I can be totally honest here. I enjoy having something to pick and I almost feel accomplished after I have dug out all the scabs and left a totally open, bleeding wound. It's not even blood that comes out all the time, it's this strange clear liquid. How gross omg. Point is, you have come farther along than I have and you give me and other people who suffer from this condition hope that we can one day overcome it.
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September 22, 2017

Hello. This forum/site...very happy and grateful. Long story short. I became depressed 8 yrs ago, when my mother passed of pancreatic cancer.... no indication.......i miss her, always. This was 2009. Surprising, I was able to keep my job, finish my masters, in counseling.....ha. but 2012, i graduated, stopped work, everything. Now 5 yrs later, I barely leave my apartment, minimal hygiene, hard to even move. Ive tried tons of meds, but nevet an maoi. Scared if those!! Funny because I got approved for ECT. I just started getting disability 2 months ago, but was approved 2 yrs ago. You know how long these matters and paperwork can be! Im 40. I worked.. school, army. My mom passed. Plus they are garnishing the little bit of monthly payment, I do receive 1000 to 800. My rent is 800, have no support from family. Sorry for the ramble, thought i should say a bit to understand??? I started ob adderall about 1.5 years ago???? Because i wouldnt move. Now, it helps?????( i think) who knows. But with my severe depression, anxiety????? I have ALWAYS been a nail biter. Sometimes not for a year, so happy to put nail polish on!!!!! Those days, way gone. Always had nubby rigged nail, but, at least tolerable. Now,Ive lost 7 if the ten, nail bed???? Doesnt even come out, what does, is skin???? Flaky, icky, so I pick. They hurt so terribly, sting... bleed, so self conscious. I guess i have to live with this, and people not wanting to shake hands etc....ive spent thousands, in money, I dont have!!!! Cream, salve, supplements.....everything! U pick... because why not, disgusting anyway. I wish they would even come back as nubs!!!!! So, recently, 2 weeks, Ive started picking my legs, knee and below, have never done this. Embarrassing,like I mentioned my hygiene isnt the greatest. Started picking darker areas and ingrown hairs. My legs have about 30 sores each. I look like Ive lived in the jungle!!! Thank heavens, i can wear pants, but I keep looking, even a good day or two, no picking, they dont heal ......at all. Trying everything,i feel disgusting......I know cause is depression, anxiety etc. Im so scared for ECT, even prolonged it because of all my picking, im sooo gross. I think i could control it for the most part, but nothing heals. Im scared, im ugly, poor, feel a little silly WITH all this, considering the problems of the world. Had to break up with bf, because id my shame, and depression. ANYONE have a healing, pain remedy??? This is soooo TERRIBLY long, I hope at least one will read???? I pray for all of you, and feel the pain deeply. Picked face at younger age. Still do now, thank goodness, i dont get too many pimples anymore!!! I pick EVERY thing else. Thanks to all of you for sharing something that isn't discussed, but is debilitating. Thanks, whoever took an hour to read this!! Ha. My heart is WITH you all Sjj
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September 22, 2017

Also hopeless, scared and disgusted.
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September 22, 2017

Hope it posted
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September 22, 2017

:( Pickles, my heart goes out to you. You are dealing with so much internal pain. Do you think that you are now migrating to picking your legs because you are not getting the same stimulation from nail biting since you have lost some of the nails? Why dont you want to take better care of yourself and start with personal hygiene? Self care is very important even when we are going through depression. I can understand severe depression and anxiety because Ive been suffering with it for a good amount of my life and still am struggling on a daily basis (some days are better, others are bleak hell). I am worried about you breaking up with your boyfriend due to your shame...isolating yourself often makes things worse. You need people who are supportive and who can be there by your side, especially when you are struggling with these issues. As for the healing remedies...I know that skin on the legs takes longer to heal and that the hyperpigmented scars remain for a longer time in those areas (I used to superficially cut my legs as a depressed teen). Hydrocolloid bandaids work very well...its a must have in a skin pickers life. Wounds heal faster when they are kept moist. Im just mostly worried for your state of mind at the moment. When I felt horrible last year, I took up serious exercise at home and lost weight/felt much better. And it helped with my skin picking... a lot. When you feel desperate, force yourself to exercise to the point where you are sweaty and fatigued. Its the same as taking out your frustration on your skin, except you are pushing your body and toning the muscles in the process. It truly helps the mind as well. I mention that because you say your depression causes you to not want to move. But movement often counters the depressive feelings...once you get into that routine you feel much better...even though it is difficult to start in the beginning. Also know that the self hatred cycle is a long downward spiral. The more you self hate, the more impulses you will feel to self harm. Please make it a habit to take care of yourself. Use body scrubs on your legs to get rid of the dry, patchy areas so that you are less tempted to pick. Use lotion to keep the skin soft and therefore less tempting to scratch at. What do you do in order to make yourself feel better? Do you have any strategies or habits which help you?
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September 22, 2017

I really dont. I know the answers to these things, as you say, I just feel paralyzed, which Im volunteering for ECT, meds, therapy, havent cut it. I feel bad because I have been productive, school, work, never a social butterfly, but was ok..... thats fine for me, as I said, others dealing with soo much. I dont really have any support. My dad is disabled. And I push people away. I DONT work, or have a car, little money, so, I dont meet anyone. And my life has been helping others, army paramedic, counseling degree, alwYs worked in clinics/hospital. That makes me happy. I LOVE ANimals too, Beyond grateful for my three rescues, they make me smile... a little. Im not suicidal, have not attempted, had a plan. No. Thank goodness?! Whenever I spoke about it with counselors, MDs etc. I say.......if I got a disease, something bad happened......I wouldnt try to recover. Chemo etc. It hurts sooo much saying that....terrible. im just so damn scared and tired every day. As you know, not the tired, where I will feel better in the morning. No. IM TIRED.. i dont know.......I cant believe someone responded at all, and quickly. I cant tell you how much I appreciate it. Truly. Thank you. Those things, exercise, art, gardening, dog park, music simple pleasures, they dont exist for me. And every day, I wish they would, an itty bitty bit. Take my dog for a five minute walk.....Im not living, existing. So happens, Im not REALLY even capable of that. But something way inside of me, whatever it may be, says give it ONE more shot! So... goin balls to the wall, so terrified, going to try ECT. Month or more in the hospital, im scared. ??? I GET healthcare at the VA, because Ive been unemployed over 5 yrs, lost my blue cross, so....the majority, big majority will be make, also another intimidation!!!! But, Im not going to hurt myself, you know what I mean...just my mind. Boy, that thing is loud!!!!!! All the time. Ha Thank you again, so much. Yep, thanks!!!!! I hope you stay well and continue to care for yourself!!!!! ⚘
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September 22, 2017

I really dont. I know the answers to these things, as you say, I just feel paralyzed, which Im volunteering for ECT, meds, therapy, havent cut it. I feel bad because I have been productive, school, work, never a social butterfly, but was ok..... thats fine for me, as I said, others dealing with soo much. I dont really have any support. My dad is disabled. And I push people away. I DONT work, or have a car, little money, so, I dont meet anyone. And my life has been helping others, army paramedic, counseling degree, alwYs worked in clinics/hospital. That makes me happy. I LOVE ANimals too, Beyond grateful for my three rescues, they make me smile... a little. Im not suicidal, have not attempted, had a plan. No. Thank goodness?! Whenever I spoke about it with counselors, MDs etc. I say.......if I got a disease, something bad happened......I wouldnt try to recover. Chemo etc. It hurts sooo much saying that....terrible. im just so damn scared and tired every day. As you know, not the tired, where I will feel better in the morning. No. IM TIRED.. i dont know.......I cant believe someone responded at all, and quickly. I cant tell you how much I appreciate it. Truly. Thank you. Those things, exercise, art, gardening, dog park, music simple pleasures, they dont exist for me. And every day, I wish they would, an itty bitty bit. Take my dog for a five minute walk.....Im not living, existing. So happens, Im not REALLY even capable of that. But something way inside of me, whatever it may be, says give it ONE more shot! So... goin balls to the wall, so terrified, going to try ECT. Month or more in the hospital, im scared. ??? I GET healthcare at the VA, because Ive been unemployed over 5 yrs, lost my blue cross, so....the majority, big majority will be make, also another intimidation!!!! But, Im not going to hurt myself, you know what I mean...just my mind. Boy, that thing is loud!!!!!! All the time. Ha Thank you again, so much. Yep, thanks!!!!! I hope you stay well and continue to care for yourself!!!!! ⚘
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September 22, 2017

Thank you
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September 22, 2017

Were you happy in childhood? What were your last happy memories? Did everything turn for the worst only after your mother died or were there troubles even before that?
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September 22, 2017

I can relate with how your depression feels. Its difficult to find joy when you are so frustrated with your own self...and this skin picking issue just compounds it more and makes us feel horrible about ourselves. Existing...not living...exactly how I describe the feeling of depression.
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September 22, 2017

Ouch. What did I do..
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October 04, 2017

I'm with all of you. Suffering from debilitating depression and anxiety with a side of my-lip-is-busted-not-cause-someone-punched-me-but-because-I-bit-it-a-lot. I see a psychiatrist right now but not a therapist. Need to find a new one. Ugh it's like interviewing someone to be your best friend and it's exhausting. Anyway my picking has really flared up recently so I'll be on this forum more often. Hope everyone is having an ok week.