Have an event this weekend and managed to resist the urge to pick at my face for around a week, as I wanted clear skin whilst there and be able to not wear makeup.
My skin looked amazing for once! Clear, with no rednesses, scabs, sores or lumps. Even my scarring had gone down! I felt good about myself.
But tonight I gave in. I didn't realise I was doing it until it was over. I must have sat in front of the Mirror for hours.
Now, this can be pretty usual for me, but what made me feel so hopeless was the realisation that I have completely lost control over this condition. Once I was able to hold off when I really needed too. I was able to stop before I seriously damaged my skin. But even with a very good insentive this time - I completely zoned out. Many of you may relate to the trance like state you get into , and before you know it you've completely damaged your face (or other parts of your body).
The feelings after this were horrible, I was so dissapointed in myself. I cried and cried and cried. I had depressed and suicidal thoughts. Looking in the Mirror again at the damage I had just done would have just sent me over the edge. I have never felt so alone before. Although these are common feelings for me to have afterwards, I never felt them this strongly. I think it was because o was so close.. yet so far from overcoming this horrible condition.
Now yes, I am aware I need help, however, I know for a fact that my doctors will NOT take me seriously. They haven't before for different things and I know for sure they won't with this. One of my parents is even a healthcare professional and just says I'm being silly when I try open up about it. I just feel hopeless and this is why I have come on this website. I just want to know if anyone feels the same as me or is experiencing similar things. Also any advice or tips would be so helpful. I have lived with this condition for too long now and it's reaching breaking point for me.