Picking at myself makes me feel in control!


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November 03, 2017

That's how it must have started for me. Feeling in control by modifying my image, by "cleaning" up my skin. But now I've become too conscious of the process...I am aware that picking only harms me. I am beyond the control at this point...now I've reached a level called pure self hatred.
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December 12, 2017

I can definitely relate to this. I have had eczema since I was about 1, I am 15 now. Contrary to the doctors belief I have not "grown out of it". Although it has gotten better, I still remember that when I was about 7 I would drag my arms down sharp pieces of wall to get some relief from the ictch. Of course, I would bleed and my mother would wrap me in bandages till I looked like a mummy. It's not so bad now, but one thing has gotten worse, my scalp, I started picking my scalp five or six years ago. And in a way I really enjoy it, whenever I'm anxious, frustrated, annoyed, etc. I pick my scalp, my hands, legs, anywhere, and it makes me feel in control. My family are great and I don't have any mental problems, but I grew up with four siblings, and I always wanted to be in control, to this day if we have a family meeting, I always jump in here and there giving input, until eventully I take over the meeting, so I can be in control. On top of that sometimes I don't want to get better, I tell myself "I don't care what other people think, and my family don't mind my skin, so why should I?" But I need to stop, my skin condition puts a lot of stress on my Dad.