I've been picking for as long as I can remember. I have no clue of the origin, all I know is one day I found myself picking and tried to stop and couldn't. I didn't have the best childhood and definitely had to live in constant fear and anxiety at the hands of my father, but I cannot discern why I chose picking as a coping mechanism. I acknowledge my broken past, but I do not understand how picking my skin became the result of that. I am honestly controlled by this ordeal now. It interfere with my everyday life and I sought out help for it. However when I try to invision wherein I am free of it I get terrified. Do I not want to get better? I know all the steps to take to aid in my recovery but I'm scared that life will demand more of me than I have to offer. I have a great amount of social anxiety but love people. I often find myself lonely and craving human interaction which saddens me. I keep thinking that some way somehow someone will come my way and convince me I am with it, but would I even believe them if they did? Do I now seek ways to continue this behavior? Am I terrified of getting better? There's something so calming about knowing I have a vice, but it has become so destructive. I want to stop but I'm scared to...can anyone else relate?