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I feel so ashamed to be typing this out and posting it publicly. I'm afraid I'm going to learn that my scars will never heal. I am so incredibly self conscious because of what I've done to my arms (and other parts of my body when I get the chance or can't control myself).
I have always had KP on my upper arms, and I have always been a picker, but the two never came in contact until I started taking medication for ADHD. Interestingly, I didn't start picking at my arms until a few years into taking the meds. Now I can't seem to stop. It's gotten so bad and red and scarred that I religiously apply Dermablend body makeup thickly on my arms every night after I shower at the end of the day. I don't even like to let my sister (who lives with me) see my arms before I've applied the makeup.
The makeup gets on everything--my sheets, my comforter, furniture, cabinet, even my mattress, which I discovered once when stripping my bed to wash the sheets. It's a little darker just on the side I sleep on. When I sit on our new couch I put down a blanket so I don't end up building up makeup visibly on the upholstery.
I have spent hundreds of dollars on creams, lotions, makeup, pills--anything I can find that has helped other people I've read about online.
If I could get myself to stop picking, will the scars go away? Will the redness fade? What can I do about the redness?
If I did something or used something that resulted in true, visible improvement, I'm sure that glimmer of hope would help me exponentially in resisting the urge to continue destroying my skin.
Any help would be so wholeheartedly appreciated by me. I feel ugly and ashamed of my body. I'm afraid to date or be intimate because of this secret under my clothes and makeup. I avoid wearing short sleeves or tank tops or bathing suits.
Please, please help.