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Sounds so dramatic but I’m in hell again with my picking!! I’ve picked off and on for years and lately it’s getting worse and worse. My face has certain spots where I’ve picked over and over again and I can’t go one day without opening them up again! The sick part is that I convince myself that I’m going to achieve some sort of major success and finally pop a hair out or some crazy white head or whatever the hell is going to finally explode and it will be worth it! Why????? I’ve NEVER EVER gotten some horrible ingrown hair or whatever it is I think I’m digging for!
I feel insane because I do this over and over again and never learn that there’s NOTHING THERE!!! Does anyone else do that????
I’ve spent countless hours in the mirror and go into this dissassociative state and that’s when I can seriously damage my face. I enter this zone and there’s weird things I see that I need to pop or use tweezers to get and it’s like my brain tricks me into seeing this crap so I keep digging and when I finally snap out of it, I’m just a bloody mess! My entire body hurts and aches and I can barely move and I’m sweating and shaking and I can’t calm down and worst of all, I want to f*****g DIE. Last week I destroyed my face like I haven’t done in years! And I had to call in sick the next day and I felt like I was going to lose everything I’ve worked so hard for!! One miserable night and I’m destroyed physically emotionally spritually broken. And I can’t tell anyone because they don’t understand. Or they’ll think I’m tweaking out on drugs. It’s humiliating.
I just started a new job and I have a lot of anxiety.
I don’t want to lose it because I’m a mental basket case!! I can’t do this again. I’ve been down this road before and still have scars from years ago that I have to look at everyday. I can’t go through it again!!
I found this forum last week after my horrible picking session and I thank God because I read everyone’s posts and it was like I finally found my people.
I too need a buddy or a few!! I know that I can’t do this alone!!! I’m literally scared of myself!!!! I don’t trust myself!!!!
Has anyone done the program on this website? I want to do it if I can pay for it.
I’m finally reaching out.
I’m being completely honest about needing help.
My life stops when I pick. I hate myself so much that all I do is think about how others look at me and see my big ugly open sores covered up with inches of makeup!! It’s disgusting!!!
Thank you for reading this and I truly hope to hear from you lovely people— I need you!