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serenitynow , 20 Jun 2009

Discouraged tonight with KP

I feel like I've been working so hard at this for the past couple weeks-- picking occasionally, but never to the point of panic, self hatred, depression. So tonight I lifted my long sleeves, wishing to see arms that I wouldn't mind revealing in a sleeveless shirt. Needless to say, I was not impressed. Blotchy, scarred, bumpy, red spots, a few scabs. I know I'm focusing on the wrong thing, that I need to step back and look at the big picture. With KP, I will have imperfections on my skin my whole life. The point is not to have perfect arms. The point is to not lose myself to the picking/self-loathing cycle. Just have to remember that... thx for letting me think outloud; I think for a few decades now I thought if I just stopped picking I would have perfect arms! Like what the models have. Huh! Seems delusional and defeating when I finally take a moment to realize my thought patterns. Must... be.... kind... to... self...

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