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Let-it-be , 21 Oct 2018

Do I know the difference between picking and breaking out?

Because they both feel like I have failed even though one is my doing and one is not. I have been doing well since we had house guests and I was literally unable to pick in privacy and realized as I said in my last post that my skin heals amazing with such little assistance ;) but I have been breaking out on the sides of my face. This seems like the place it happens most often. I am considering going to the dermatologist about this. Even though it’s mild I know it would be better for me to be able to maintain clear skin and not even have to worry about bumps that make me want to pick. But I asked myself this question this morning because both a breakout and picking makes me feel a similar yucky feeling. I did pop the spots (which I know I shouldn’t have) but all three popped like a normal person extracting a few clogged pores and now I am leaving them be and I still feel like I failed because they showed up at all wrecking my almost perfect complexion I worked so hard to get. I think it’s because of all the effort I put into not picking and all the control I really do have to have clear skin that I feel like a failure when I have been good and then breakout. The goal is not to damage our skin...not to have porcelain doll skin...I need to remind myself and reset goals. That is the perfectionist in a picker though...and does anyone else feel like one blemish messing up their canvas is an excuse to to pick because it’s already messed up? I can be so all or nothing! But I will NOT pick. I have been battling this for a solid 4 years and I see a imperfect but definite pattern of healing. I encourage everyone to sit down and try to find one in their own progression. And if it’s not there set some goals to get there. Such as less skin care products, less time in bathroom, more time out and about, less time thinking about skin, more hobbies, less damage per thing at a time to change the way you handle your face. Then look back and see if what is “bad” now was good before. Give yourself credit. It is all so based on perspective. When you look at a small bump or blemish and you want to pop it and you create a huge wound...then it starts to heal and look better and you are all relieved that it is just a pink smooth spot.....STOP and realize that that “better” now was the way it looked before you made it worse. You’re just comparing it to the wound you made and creating a false sense of accomplishment. Same with my breakout. I’m comparing it to clear skin, not a picking episode that is now healing and I would be so relieved about....

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