Tongue picking, biting, toenail removal.


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November 18, 2018

You know, when I look back... I can definitely say that for as long as I can remember, I have bitten off the taste buds from my tongue as well as chewed the inside of my cheeks... and it's not just a little bit I will destroy it to where I can barely talk or eat which just blows my mind sometimes. I also used to cut when I was younger (teen) so it very much could be a form of self-harm.... I remember I used to say cutting made me actually feel something, instead of the shitty, dulled emotions that I basically considered as feeling nothing at the time.... I was very numb inside at that point in my life. However, alot of my stuff comes from habit these days. Just like people get that comforting feeling from picking at their skin or hair, well the pain / blood for me, is a very comforting and familiar feeling. I'm not sure I could pinpoint one reason why I enjoy feeling the blood in my mouth or the pain from it, but I assume it has to be like people who do BDSM and like getting spanked or whipped. The pain releases endorphins therefore rewarding that pleasure center of my brain just like picking did, just like drugs did, and just like alcohol did. I'm sure there is some psychological reason full of scientific terms, that somebody smarter than myself can probably give you... However, I just know that when I think of the pain and the bleeding it takes me back to the days when I used to cut, in order to just feel something... You know?
avatar

November 18, 2018

You know, when I look back... I can definitely say that for as long as I can remember, I have bitten off the taste buds from my tongue as well as chewed the inside of my cheeks... and it's not just a little bit I will destroy it to where I can barely talk or eat which just blows my mind sometimes. I also used to cut when I was younger (teen) so it very much could be a form of self-harm.... I remember I used to say cutting made me actually feel something, instead of the shitty, dulled emotions that I basically considered as feeling nothing at the time.... I was very numb inside at that point in my life. However, alot of my stuff comes from habit these days. Just like people get that comforting feeling from picking at their skin or hair, well the pain / blood for me, is a very comforting and familiar feeling. I'm not sure I could pinpoint one reason why I enjoy feeling the blood in my mouth or the pain from it, but I assume it has to be like people who do BDSM and like getting spanked or whipped. The pain releases endorphins therefore rewarding that pleasure center of my brain just like picking did, just like drugs did, and just like alcohol did. I'm sure there is some psychological reason full of scientific terms, that somebody smarter than myself can probably give you... However, I just know that when I think of the pain and the bleeding it takes me back to the days when I used to cut, in order to just feel something... You know?