Just as the title says I want to bring up an old forum topic regarding personality traits and skin picking. This also goes for lip biting and really any overall obsessive compulsive and self-mutilating type of behaviors. One thing that really stuck out in that thread was the lack of will that people reported feeling. By will, I'm dont mean will power to make themselves stop tge behaviors, I mean the actual will and drive when it comes to being able to get out of bed, to bring yourself to actually get up and do something. I have been like this for as long as I can remember, in fact. I remember being really young and just not feeling like I wanted to do well in school or push myself to be number one or to do the best at anything (especially if it required work). Also, somebody mentioned not sleeping at all, but also sleeping too much.... I go days without sleeping. Sometimes, I'll stay up all night just to pick at my face, chest, or my back. Sometimes its to pick/bite my fingers and cuticles. Sometimes I'm chewing the inside of my lip or biting my taste buds off until I bleed. However in that same week, I'll find myself sleeping for an entire day and just getting up at 8 at night, possibly go to out and get something to eat, but onlybbecause I haven't eaten in 4 days. Also mentioned was that even being a smoker, I can go without cigarettes or anything I may beed or want, if it means I have to actually get up and go to into a store. A lot of it has to do with not wanting to face people in the world, I know that I have trouble looking people in the eye when I do go somewhere. This led me to not leave my house or my room for almost 2 months. My skin picking and my inability to want to do anything affects everything in my life, sadly. I'm constantly lying about what the sores are from or why I don't want to do something, or why I can't go out. Of course, I somehow always make it a hundred times worse right before a really important event. Especially holidays or anytime that I'm going to see my mother or family in particular. Somebody mentioned that anytime they felt like they were going to be judged or we're going to have people looking at them ( hey! there's that fear of not being good enough!) .... They would then relapse, and instead of continuing to let their skin clear up (hell, I could go months /years) ... They would start searching for any bump or unevenness, only to open up sores all over their face and body all over again. There were/are so many things that I could relate to that were mentioned... there was a lot of abuse in my life starting out when I was little and subsequently carrying on into almost, well maybe ALL, of my relationships. When I was younger I did try to fill that void that was caused by not loving myself by being promiscuous. All of my self-worth came from somebody liking me. Being an addict and an alcoholic and being in recovery forced me to look at some of my core driving fears (which basically sums up the reasons that we do the things we do). My number one core driving fear is the fear of not being good enough. This is closely followed by my fear of abandonment, as well as, a fear of failure. Lastly however, and oddly enough... right there along with my fear of failure, is my fear of success... and that's exactly where most of my self-sabotaging behaviors come from. But knowing what drives my behavior doesn't make it go away it just makes it a little easier for me to pinpoint why I do things and what part of my life I need to work on. Skin picking along with my inability to leave the house and go to the store has caused me to lose anywhere between 4 and 8 jobs over the years. And I'm talking like from the time I was 18 up to just recently about a month ago. I remember I lost my waitressing job (at the age 18 of 19) because when I would go into work with an open sore on my face l, I would already be running late because I spent hours putting on and taking off makeup . Then I would sit in my car in the parking lot for hours, continuing to be late for my shift, telling them that I was dealing with an emergency and that I would be there soon. Eventually I would spend so much time on fixing the imperfections on my face that I just couldn't go into work after being late yet again. I have called off dates for this reason as well. I used to make my ex-boyfriend sit in the car with me for hours while I tweaked and corrected my concealer and my foundation every time we went anywhere. The longest I went without messing with my face was probably about five years, possibly a little longer. I started out with losing my job, which was followed closely by having no money to buy makeup, let alone food. That's when I realized that when I stopped wearing makeup, I stopped looking in the mirror 100 times a day. This alone let my face clear up to the best it ever was in my life. Unfortunately, now and about five or six times over the last year or two, my skin picking is back with a vengeance. I mostly do it when I pace around my room and circle over and over and over or while I'm on the phone or while I'm driving is a big one as well. I've come to find out that there is a big and direct correlation in taking my Adderall (to the combat my ADHD) and my face erupting with pimples and open sores.. that then leadsvto them being on my chest and my arms, my legs and my butt. This time however it happened in a record-breaking 2 days from restarting Adderall. I stayed up all night the night before last, as I stated picking at every little thing on my body. Last night I took a shower with antibacterial soap and used witch hazel as well as an antifungal cream all over my body. I even put socks on my hands because I knew I would sit there the entire night messing with everything and touching my skin. I had a bout of fungus on my toes on my right foot, that has yet to clear up that led me to thinking how I have been taking doxycycline for the last 4 days for an infected tooth. All of these things along with the Adderall,I feel like, has exacerbated the Candida growth in my body. I will tell you that literally just the one night of putting Ketoconazole cream on my sores and obviously washing with the antibacterial soap, has actually closed up all the open wounds and has gotten rid of the chicken skin type pimples all over my legs and arms. Usually my sores will last for months and months before they even start to heal. The biggest help was having socks on my hands to keep me from scratching it.. Even just the night before, I was itching so badly that I scratched through my skin on my legs and feet. All of this in combination with an overall thicker vaginal discharge lfrom starting the antibiotics, made me think to myself that it probably was a fungal infection... Especially seeing how antibiotics have never once fixed my acne, except for when I had MRSA. I know this post got kind of long but I just wanted to introduce myself to the forums, as well as ask around about the personality traits/disorders, fears or reasons that led you to do the kind of damage that you have yourself as well. I'm so glad to see how normal my crazy and weird issues actually make me!