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thebeautifulugly , 01 Feb 2019

Been awhile

...not since I've picked, unfortunately. Since I've posted here. I remember when I first discovered this site 5+ yrs ago...I remember the comfort I felt knowing I wasn't alone. I used to read others posts and cry, and post my own updates and skin-pick logs. Thought I'd post again for old times sake.
Still dealing with the same shit, honestly.
Still can't sit in a room alone without gloves on.
Still feel trapped by my scars.
Still have trouble facing mirrors.
Still ponder why I deal with this affliction.
Still don't fully trust myself.
Still don't have the support of my family.
Still struggle with guilt + self-hatred.
I'm okay.
I'm always learning.
I'm better than I have been in the past.
I no longer let my mistakes define me.
I realize that I am NOT my disorder.
I can live with the damage I've done to myself.
I have a supportive significant other.
I will never ever give up.
I love myself, despite my flaws.

3 Answers
February 03, 2019

Hi, Maren,

I understand how you feel. Sometimes I put tape on my finger tips but the discomfort makes more anxious. I also don't feel like explaining to people. Yesterday I didn't put makeup on because I was going to stay home studying and I can't believe how did I make this huge mistake after all these years, but here I am dealing with the consequences. I would love to have a friend who can understand.



February 09, 2019

Marin, I know your EXACT feeling. My family is most definitely not supportive. In fact, it has only pushed us apart. I know the feeling of loneliness one is faced with when no one understands your issue. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. My email is Wishing you the best of luck! Much love

February 17, 2019

People do not understand because they only see the surface of the issue. They only understand the deliberate picking part. They don't understand why those compulsions exist and they do not understand how those compulsions feel. This problem can only be fully understand when one actual feels it. They have to trust us in what we tell them...that we are compelled to do this and that it torments us. I think that only people with various types of OCD might understand because the disorder is very similar in it's compulsive aspect.

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