i keep dead skin


Online Test For Skin Picking Disorder

Find Out The Severity of Your Symptoms With This Free Online Diagnostic Tool

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May 02, 2020

I used to keep a hidden album in my phone of pictures of my face after every episode. Scrolling through it was pitiful- my bloodied and hopeless face staring at me from almost 400 photos. I’ve narrowed it down to why I even made it in the first place: 1) To feel validated that this was a real (even photographable) struggle I was dealing with. 2) I could show it to people who were skeptics, but this was a scenario I only did in my own little fantasies or worrying sessions. I would die if anyone saw the album besides myself. 3) I had (and still do have) an obsession with trying to see what I look like to other people, but my own hate for myself seeped in and led to a dangerous thought process that onlookers shared the same negative opinions of myself. Ultimately it turned out to be a looming guilt and shame that kept me locked on the behavior, almost like taking the photo was part of the picking routine. My therapist suggested I show it to someone, and after a few months and through many tears I worked up the courage to quickly scroll through it with my dad during a group therapy session. It was the first time my fellow anxious ridden victims had seen me cry. My therapist encouraged me to delete the pictures one by one- to be freed in these very small steps. And I did after a long hesitation- these pictures made me feel valid but made me feel disgusted in the ultimate paradox. Now and again, I want to take a photo of some carnage I have wrought on myself, and sometimes I do but delete them afterwards. Hopefully this has been of some help to you- and maybe one day you can free yourself of this shame as well. I know it will not be easy to let go of this vulnerability, but it is so valuable that you’ve come here to share about it.
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May 03, 2020

Thank you very much. This actually helps a lot. I’ve never heard from someone else who collects in their picking, thank you.