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Picked at my breasts, nipples, back and face
Hello. I don't know very well where to start or if there's anyone out there that will read this. I find it really difficult to put everything I want to share in regards my dermatilomania experience. I suffered this since i'm 14. I've started to pick my face in school as I was very obsessed with my acne at the time. I didn't realise but that was the beginning of the start to create a sort of safe place. My mum used to be very insistant for me to stop as it would leave scara but I think that just reinforced my desire to keep doing it. A sort of emancipation. Then as I grew up my social school and family situation where getting harder and harder with lots of traumatic experiences. I haven't been abused in a sexual way but certainly suffered other types of bullying, racism and criticism. I think the way I lost my virginity really affected me too as it was very unemotional and superficial. Anyway for some reason the most affected areas of my body are my breasts. I used to be (now I manage a lot more) to pick at the pores of my skin and nipples' montgomery glands. It was so horrible to feel I was finding relief this way. And the scars I left are still hounting me. I now signed with the recovery programme with skin pick but this is an issue for me that has demanded a lot of time of my life. If there's anyone experiencing the same and would like to share thoughts, feelings or ways to cope with it I would be glad to hear it. Lots of love x
Yes of course, I know what you're going through. I've been doing the same thing from about the same age. I'm sorry to hear about your suffering. Because I know the same suffering, I know how challenging it is. I hope you and I will be able to find someone out there that can tell us how to retrain our brains to stop doing this. I know there must be some brilliant thought trick that can stop this self sabotage. Everyday I tell my self I'm not going to do it, and everyday I do it again. Nearly every time I do it, I feel so guilty and stupid and out of control afterward. I am a person that is so very much in control of every other aspect of my life except this one. Someone help us please!
I just wanted to say how validating it is to hear that someone else has experienced picking their Montgomery glands. This has been a major issue for me for years and I have scarring on my nipples due to picking. I used to lose hours picking at them and would come to bleeding. I was so embarrassed of the scabs and never wanted to show my breasts to anyone. I started an SSRI which has helped tremendously with the picking behavior.
Thank you for telling your story. This has been so personal and shameful to me and it is so helpful to know that someone else has experienced something similar.