I have searched online just about everywhere and can't seem to find a solution or reasoning behind my picking, or anyone else who picks at the same place. I don't think it's from stress or anxiety or depression because none of those compel me to pick to calm down. Even though I do suffer from depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. What happens to make me start is pain.
I mostly pick on my right thumb pad. Right in the center or under the nail. I can go days without the urge until it just starts to hurt. Throbbing, dull to sharp pain. And the only relief I get is to take a push pin and just...dig out the skin from under my thumbnail. I have decent sized dents from this but it makes it feel so much better? Like I can finally relax after getting a big chunk out. The pain goes away.
The same is on the pad of my thumb. It just hurts out of nowhere. I usually take a pin and push it under the center of the pad and rip it open to so much relief. It keeps hurting until I pick off or rip off the whole center. Of course it hurts to pick it but it's like a good hurt? Definitely better than the pain that makes me pick in the first place. If the pad hurts too much I feel the pain under ny nail too, which repeats the cycle. I barely have a print left on my thumb and the pink and smooth patch is obvious and embarrassing. But I can't stop. I just need to make the inital pain go away by inflicting the good pain and picking away the problem. It happens around friends and family and I try and secretly pick at it to relieve things.
I searched and found this site after picking, and it's hard to type on my phone because my thumb wound is still open. I just want to pull at the center with pins or my nails to get the good pain and get the bad skin off and away. I'm scared to bring it up to my therapist because it's embarrassing. I'm hoping to find comfort and tips in some peers. I'm sorry for the novel post.