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Hi, my name is Kristin and I’m 42 yrs old. I’m at my breaking point w/my OCD picking. I really need a friend who understands what I’m going through. My picking controls my life during my episodes. I need help.
I look hideous when there are 30 scabbed over lesions; some are red/pink irritated, puss filled scabs, and scars fill in everywhere else. Doctors don’t help… They just put offending notes in my file like ‘self induced picker’ and ‘self mutilation’. The physiatrist just throws more meds at me. My family and friends don’t understand it. My two daughters are at the point of trying to control it and they constantly scream at me to stop picking. Which in turn gets me angry that they’re intervening. I always appreciate it after the fact but in the moment I’m livid. What they don’t know is I try. I’ve tried sitting on my damn hands, using fidget toys to distract me, wearing sweatshirts and/or pants to hide it… Nothing helps.
I do have remission for a week or two in between but I always go back to it. I was always a picker but a mild picker. I used to only touch my face and back… Now I will pick every inch of myself. I was in a major car accident back in Apr 2018 and had a severe concussion. After that occurred my picking went crazy. Did I damage a part of my brain when I hit my head that changed how I pick? Idk.
I separated from my husband around the same time of my car accident and I have been diagnosed with major depression disorder, OCD, and severe anxiety disorder. Any one of them may have effected me too. I’m on 40mg Celexa which is a SSRI. According to my own research this is the kind of med given to someone to help control picking….but it doesn't even touch my urges to pick. I want to know what the hell is wrong with me!
My worst areas are my arms, chest and stomach. I will pick my face but I have improved because I can’t hide my face. I have ugly scars, sores, scabs, puss filled wounds (only at peak picking). I don’t know what to do to stop it. Can it even be stopped?
On a bad day I can spend 5 hrs picking… As I’m writing I am just coming down from a 3 week picking episode. This is a lot longer than usual but I also am under extreme stress. I lost my job and I’m making myself ill constantly thinking of how I’m going to get through everything. I lost 2 best friends last year. I just got into an apartment with my girls this past September after spending 3 yrs at my parents after my separation. I refuse to lose everything again. My anxiety was outrageous this past week…
I know I threw a lot of my personal thoughts out there, but I’m hoping to find just one person who will reply… Looking forward to finding support.