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belsy , 06 Jul 2009

I can't believe I am not alone

I have always picked. Plain and simple. No hiding the fact. Apparently I started picking my scalp when I was a baby and I have picked my scalp for as long as I can remember. I was put to bed at night with mittens on to stop me doing it. It escalated as a teenager, moving onto my arms, legs, face and chest, but with the main focus stil being my scalp. It got worse over the last 3 years (am now 35) and I am completely obssessed with picking anywhere I can find. I run my fingers over my whole body looking for anything to pick, I squeeze and tweeze and I scratch and pick my scalp until my hair is covered in blood. I go into a compelte trance and can't stop. I do it in front of the computer at work, driving the car, in front of the TV, in bed, anywhere and everywhere. It is just constant. I found out about dermatillamania about 2 years ago but other than relief it had a name didn't really follow up. Now to have found this site and read stories of people just like me I am sobbing but don't know why. I guess I don't feel like such a freak now. I have also developed a huge need to pick my husband's skin too, Sometimes he lets me but he hates it. I just nag and nag and nag til he gives in and come up with all sorts of reasons why I should do it. I lay awake thinking about it. I would love to make some friends on here and get some support to stop. I am taking Luvox and Seroquel as treatment for depression and anxiety but they make no different to the picking (and marginal difference to the anxiety). I have to say I am someone who from the outside has a great life - good and highly regareded job, great husband and kids, financial security, supposedly very successful etc. But I feel like a fraud hiding in my body. I don't know how to stop. Sometimes I am not even sure I want to. I tried acryclic nails but while I had them I just used tweezers, paperclips and anything else I could find as a picking device. My head is in constant pain from all my scabs and my arms, legs and chest and bumpy and rashy. I need someone to say they understand and tell me what to do. B.

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