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misslinz10 , 07 Jul 2009

Terrible day

I was going so strong... I had barely picked the last week... only a few spots here and there. I had not started a picking binge in just about a week until today. I feel so weak. I got the nails, I am trying lotions, I am doing everything I can to stop and it happened anyway. The nails made it worse because I was able to dig even harder than normal and pick out blemishes that were not even showing, that is until I picked them. I have not seen my face and arms this red in a long time. I know that I have you all out there, but I still feel so alone. I am sitting here with a calming mask on... I hope that I don't pick anymore tonight, but I have a feeling I will. I know exactly what triggered it too. I got upset at work today about some issues and immediately retreated to my cubicle and picked my chest and arms while no one could see. After I got home at 4:30 I immediately started to dig at my face until 6:20. Then I got in the shower, nearly cried, put on a mask, and got online to tell you all how hopeless I feel. I wish I could change... but I can't. I might as well get used to the fact that I will never be able to completely quit picking.
4 Answers
July 07, 2009
Misslinz I really really feel for you. Any sign of stress and I start a session. I really enjoy having long relaxing baths but they turn into picking sessions. I am trying so hard to find other ways to deal with stress, and I know what you say when you know you will pick again tonight. I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I know that you are probably just so low right now, angry with yourself and guilty. All I can say is that I know and that you shoudn't beat yourself up. Tomorrow is a new day. Last night I completely broke down. My hair was covered in blood from picking and my face looks like I have been beaten up. I sobbed and sobbed for hours while my husband hugged me and told me we woudl get through this. I think I am the worst I have been in my life. I couldn't go to work today as I just can't pull myself out of this pit. The only shining light - other than my hubby and kids who I adore and who support me so much - is finding other people who get what I am going through and that I can't just stop. If only.
July 08, 2009
I am so sorry to hear about your misery. Been there many times. Every one here is in my thoughts and prayers for peace and strength..........
July 09, 2009
I know your misery and have had some terrible days recently myself. I have picked over the past few days more than I have in a long time. It is to the point where I wont even look people in the eye because I know they are looking at my face in disgust. I cried today for while just thinking how I don't want to live like this anymore - but then what did I do? picked my face more. I just feel so much better when I am picking. Then after I finally pull myself away from the mirror I am just so ashamed and hate myself. I feel hopeless just like you do. I want to stop picking but no matter how hard I try I give into my compulsion and it makes me sick.
July 09, 2009

In reply to by mblaloc

i did it again today too... i sat in my sink again until my legs went numb from being cramped so close to the mirror. i know exactly what you mean about looking people in the eye. i wish i had found this site sooner. for so long i walked around feeling like i was so alone with this problem... it is very comforting to know someone else feels like me, although i hate that anyone else has to go through this, at least we can sort of do it together now,

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