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wakingup , 09 Jul 2009

So glad I found this site!

Hello, I never knew a site like this existed, and to read all of your stories gives me a mixture of feelings, emotional to know that I am not the only one and it is a condition and can (hopefully) be treated. My skin picking/scratching is getting to a point where I am constantly doing it. Everytime I look int he mirror I scan my face for spots or bumps that could be squeezed. I've also started picking my nose for black heads (although I've stopped doing that so much). Yesterday I got a under the skin spot, completely unnoticeable to anyone else but I had to go and do it again, and now it is a big swollen red scab on the side of my face :-( Just below the one I picked last week. As a teenager I got quite bad acne, but the fact I picked it didn't help. I used creams and went to see a homeopathic doctor. It got to a point where I had to put foundation just to go to the loo as I couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Now I get spots but I know for a fact that if I didn't have this aching compulsion to pick I wouldn't have scars. As a child I would love picking scabs. When I fell over I'd look forward to the scab forming for me to pick it and make it bleed. I used to run my fingers along a chipped wooden window ledge in the bathroom when I was about 7 to make it bleed. I've suffered with eczema since I was a child and now its got to a point that I constantly have a feeling to scratch. My body always feels like its got ants running over it. Sometimes I take an antihistamine to calm it down which sometimes helps. I've got into a habit of loving the feeling of really hot water on my body, either in the shower or when washing my hands. It's such a relief. Right now I've got a really dry and cracked palm that gets blisters on it that I have to pick. When I've attempted to stop picking, I look at myself in the mirror and will say out loud "do not pick" but then within seconds I'll be doing it. The feeling of not being able to do it is unbearable. When I'm in public I can't wait to get home to pick a spot I can feel coming up. My boyfriend is supportive but he really wants me to get help because he's starting to see that my skin isn't healing like it used to and hes worried that I'll really regret it in a few years. Which is true. I'm 21 now so up until now my skin looks fine again once the scabs healed but the scars are showing more. I'm quite confident in my looks so the thought of my face being scarred forever scares me although doesn't prevent me doing it. He's asked me to ring the doctors tomorrow and book an appointment. I was worried before the doctor would just look at me and send me off with more eczema cream. But now I know it is a compulsive disorder I feel like I can do more to help. The only thing I'm a bit worried about is the fact I work in the local mental health centre and is the nearest place they would refer me to go to. But I have to do it and there must be somewhere else I could go!! I know I have a few of family problems that could probably explain why I do it. Has anyone else bought the book on here? If it's any good my boyfriends said he'll buy it for me.

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