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bas , 10 Jul 2009

How i quit, how i relapsed and why

Hi everybody, I'm an old user and been a member of the site for over a year. i successfully quit picking on my own about 3 months ago.I am not advocating against going to see a therapist; but in my case i felt that the therapist was patronizing me, since i knew more about the dynamics of my condition then he did. So i left therapy after one session and stopped picking shortly thereafter. It was a difficult and cathartic experience because i also decided i was going to change other things in my life as well. I broke up with my girlfriend (because i felt our relationship was destructive and it led me to "play my tape recorder" in my head way too much.) I also began focusing more on my studies and my GPA shot up from 4.1 to 4.45. My primary coping strategy was to keep busy. However i felt that the stress from keeping busy was going to kill me. I have since found a new girl and my parents really like her. They didn't like the old girlfriend too much so this was a big plus to my confidence and i felt that having my parents approval was key to stop picking. So we come to the end of the school year and my responsibilities decrease dramatically. All of a sudden i find myself with very little to do. I want to work as a volunteer for the EMS but i need to wait a couple weeks to get re-certified so as of now i am quite bored.And boredom leads to daydreaming or "tape recorder" which leads to picking. So to keep busy i have been working out more and going out more, but I am running out of money so i cant keep blowing it on keeping busy. So about a week ago i began to pick again. This relapse was bittersweet. It showed that a person cannot be cured from this disease, only cope, but it also showed that coping is very possible. Even now, i honestly pick maybe about one fifth as much as i did before, my arms and back and legs and face are clear, i only have a few scabs on my shoulders so even though i relapsed, there was significant improvement overall.
8 Answers
July 10, 2009
on a side note, i encountered another picker the other day at the mall. she had covered it up with concealer but it was the eyes that really gave it away. I did not know this girl but for some reason i sat down with her, got her coffee and talked to her. after about 20 minutes i popped the question and my intuition was right. i told her my story and she was relieved to know that she wasn't the only person who picked compulsively. anyway she was the first person besides myself that i ever encountered in real life so instantly felt that the sense of community that i feel on this site manifest in the real world and it was quite refreshing. stay strong
July 14, 2009

In reply to by bas

I hope I find someone like that at the mall some time. I honestly feel like I am the only one who picks my skin amongst my peers and other people. It sucks that you relapsed into picking again, I have found out that if I just keep my hands busy that I can't pick. I have picked up doing crafty things, and you can also play free games on the internet to keep your mind off of things. That's what I do anyway.
July 14, 2009

In reply to by katiekat920

i doodle on paint when I'm on the computer to avoid picking, or I write stuff. and i check forums often. As far as meeting others, i heard there was a convention of pickers, a retreat of sorts, in California every year. Unfortunately i live in new jersey so i couldn't make it last time.
July 10, 2009
oh and in case you don't recognize me it is because I forgot the name of my old account so i had to make a new one.
July 14, 2009
has anybody else stopped picking and then started again? some feedback would help with me with my writing. thanks all. stay strong
July 16, 2009
-also pick less when Im busy and when Im not at home. -Pick more when I have to study and right before exams I ruin my skin :( -When I have to do something and if I dont do It like I should-I pick -when Im angry at my self I pick, and Im angry because I didnt do something,why I didnt start study earlier, or when my mother criticize me for something and I know she's right. Ive red that csp may be a conscious response to anxiety or depression..but I dont feel like Im depressed or that I suffer from anxiety... Here, today I've picked..dont know why. I was trying some clothes in front of the mirror and some new hair stiles :) when I saw my skin, like horrible, what have I done...then started examining and of course picking, like I'll pick just this one...of course that I have ruined my face again. and the day wasnt even that bad! now it is :(
July 19, 2009

In reply to by rooster_girl

I pick no matter how I feel or what is going on. It doesnt seem like any outside things cause it, just the feeling of the loose dead skin and wanting the smoothness or wanting to get the groce zit stuff out of my face. I feel like i am doing something good...cant explain it because I know the amount of picking I do is very bad. Maybe try another therapist until you get a good one? I have had bad therapists in the past or therapists that just didnt help. Five or so years ago I hit the therapist lotto and got the greatest guy ever. There is hope for you. For me, I think I do it for a reason, and until I indetify that reason(S) and understand it, I cant move forward. Please keep trying! :)

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