I'm just going to spill out as much info as I possibly can in a list type form because it's easier if I take a deep breath and just spill it out as quickly as I can...
**I spend way too much time in the bathroom picking at my face.
**Acne, bumps, dry skin...whatever.
**I go into the bathroom, sit on the sink, run the water and lose track of time doing this.
**I'm getting a dent on my leg from sitting on the sink...I'm scared I'm going to end up with a blood clot but can't make myself stop.
**When I get anxious, stressed out...then I really take it out on my face.
**I've made myself bleed, pulled off scabs, pretty lucky I haven't scarred.
**I can't stop it it seems like. I'll say, just five minutes and 30 min later I'm still in there with my husband wondering where I'm at. Do you have any idea how much water I waste???
**During TV shows, commercials, at work, at home....hotels are just impossible for me because I will NOT do this in front of others and most hotel bathrooms have the sink and mirror outside the bathroom. It's stressful and a blessing for me when I find a bathroom in a gas station or something that is private.
**I'll pace when I want to and am trying not to.
**I shouldn't be wasting my days away in the bathroom like this.
**I should just stop right? It's like I can't.
**If there are bumps on my legs, then I use tweezers and pull out the ingrown hair...it can't stay there. It SHOULD be able to stay there...but it's not so easy. You know, I'm sure my husband or others couldn't even see the spots on my legs until I mess with them and make them bleed.
This started when I was a teenager and just keeps getting worse. I hide blotchy swollen spots on my face by using a really strong astringent afterwards because it makes my entire face red and blotchy. THAT can't be good.
Really, I'm very sick at even writing this. I'm SURE my husband knows what I'm doing, and as of last night when he realized there was a name for it (he watched some show obsessed), he followed me to the bathroom and tried to get in and was asking about my face and a spot on it.
I thought everyone picked at acne and their face. It wasn't until this year that I realized that after I got stressed out I was running for the bathroom and just being in there forever picking and scrubbing afterwards.
Really, am I being crazy? Am I normal because I don't think so but maybe I'm just overthinking it. I think I need help, what do I do now? I don't even want to talk to my husband about it. The last time he asked I just snapped at him and told him "I don't want to talk about it".
I could scream.
I just previewed this and realized that lines and paragraphs don't break automatically as it says. I changed my list so each item starts with **