scared of kittens

about a year ago realized i had exiled myself to having no frinds or anyone in my life. I moved to a new state, new beginnings. Made a couple of freinds and one gave me a cat. About four months ago she had kittens and i kept one. while they were growing they were always clawing at my ankles and still have sores from it. i had never seen a cat give birth,feed ect and the whole exp minus the scratches was great. unfortunately two mos after kitties were born and before i could get her spayed mama cat is pregnant again! cat sratches are deep to start with and as i said i'm still healing. feel terrible cause i want to give my cat to a shelter pregnant and all so i don't have to go thru all the scratches again.guilt....this cat has been nothing but loving to me! this disorder really messes with your head sometimes...