Online Test

Find out the severity of your symptoms with this free online test

paula_2010 , 24 Aug 2009

New and desperate

Hello everyone. I'm a 22 year old incoming college senior. I've been picking for over ten years and for so long, I thought I was alone. When I read what all of you say, I feel as though I know you because you could so easily be talking about me. I have always suffered from a lot of anxiety. I live my life in an almost constant state of worry. Part of why I pick is to release the tension and there is nothing else like it--no other stress-reliever can compare. Once I feel the urge to pick at a spot, I can't fight it. It's like there is a force pulling at me, a force so strong it is truly exhausting. Every sore, every bump--they all get picked at until they are nasty and infected. I know how gross the open wounds look, all oozing and bloody, but the picking feels so good. This is the first time I can say this and feel like someone might understand. It's a lonely compulsion, isn't it? I call it my deep, dark secret. I've told a few friends I have a problem with hurting myself and there's one that knows more details. It's my secret. People say "oh, she's such a nice girl, what a sweet young woman." They don't know that I go home and hurt myself. Every single day. And who wants to just be a "nice girl" anyway? There's so much more I want to be and feel like I'm not. I think that's part of why I pick. I want to stop and I also don't. Does that make sense to anyone? It's like I'll be giving up an old friend, the one thing I can fall back on that I KNOW will make me feel better, even if it's just for a second. I've TRIED to stop--and I can't. I feel like this time--this effort I'm making now--is my last shot. My last chance to stop letting this control my life.

No answers yet

Start your journey with SkinPick

Take control of your life and find freedom from skin picking through professional therapy and evidence-based behavioral techniques.

Start Now