Personal skin picking revelation


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August 27, 2009

I too have had to come to the revelation recently as I had to finally admit to not only myself, but my husband, who I have put through torture for the past 3 months trying to convince him that something was biting me, & I had convinced myself that something was biting me or that the trauma to my skin from chigger bites caused an outbreak of psoriasis. The last diagnosis was 'Scabies' so I came home & said, 'Honey, I have scabies!' When I came across this site last week, it was after I entered into the Google search, the very last thing in the world that I wanted to research and learn the truth about...because then that makes me crazy right? So incapable of admitting that I have been picking at my skin causing lesions and scars, embarrassing my husband around his family because my arms are scarred and disgusting...how could I do this to myself? So I read about the different types of obsessive picking...& it all started coming together. When I was a kid living at home, I had a very bad habit chewing the inside of my mouth. When I was 18 I was in my friends wedding and when I watched the video (I was the maid of honor) I stared, embarrassed, that I had stood there the whole time, chewing the inside of my mouth. I later went to college & pierced my tongue so that broke the habit because I had a tongue ring to play with. I don’t know when I started picking my nails this much...I mean I have always kept the cuticles clipped but I have been convincing my self that the 'hard as a rock' skin around my nails is from a skin condition, and not the fact that I cant stop picking the skin and it has grown back hard and thick. The nail on my first finger is changing shape! Over the past week I have done much better with picking my arms...I had to break down and ask my husband to tell me to stop if he saw me do it. Something that I read on this site every time I think about picking a bump or scab is that 'I'm not allowing it to heal' & I don't know why that helps...for some reason I think I have had this disillusion and convinced myself that picking it was going to make it better! Shower time is the hardest for me because of the mirrors...I could get stuck looking in the mirror for bumps for 30 minutes and not even realizing the amount of time gone by. Your post is the first that I have seen that I truly felt I could respond to with something that I have never said out loud or to someone else...and I have really needed to… I have to change...I really don't want to be crazy...I have a crazy family and I do everything I can to be normal...I'm just making what is already a hard life, harder.