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Becca , 02 Sep 2009

pick..pick..pick..<sigh> pick...pick...pick

9.2.09 I can remember when I was young scratchng my head...dandruff maybe would come off. Then I would make sure no one was looking and I would then scrape it into a pile & eat it. I know gross right? but I didn't see it that way. I can't stand to stare down my nose & see something white or similar I have to use my finger nails to scratch all the oil off my forehead and nose as well. I bite my nails..& then eat them... Then I found ear wax...I know I know its even worse right? And then when they say "Don't pick your nose & eat it!"...yeah I do that too...It is like whatever my body produces I eat...I don't understand it....The sad part is ...I'm 23 and I still do it. So I know it could be from stress or pure bordem...I know its weird but I enjoy it. I was recently in class the Spring of 2009 this year....I started scratching & enjoying my findings, but I noticed the girl next to (she is such a sweet girl) I thought she was watching what I was doing...turns out she probably wasn't but I had some sort of panic/anxiety attach because of it. I knew at that point it was time to tell my mom. She was not judgmental at all (she has never been really). I know some people say its because their is missing something in your diet like a nutrient (ie. when a woman is pregnant she craves dirt or something off the wall). I would argue that point to an extent but if it is something you have done your whole life how can you stop? Everyone on this site is supportive of each other. I love this site for that. I have monitored this site for about 6 months now and finally decided to post something:). Yall all ROCK!:) I'll throw this out to everyone on the site too..I mentioned about the picking nose thing right? I have not had to go to the doctor very much in my lifetime for sickness or things of that nature. So could it be when I eat the mucous that has been prevented from going down into my body that I have possibly built up my immune system against those things? I have tried biting my nails off but that didn't work all that well because I got the satisfaction of biting my nails....I do pick the bottom of my feet like one person referred too. I was wondering do any of all clip coupons too? I'm trying to see if there is a link with that lol. Please feel free to respond to anything I have written or ask me questions about any of it...I have found being open with this helps me a little bit. Thanks Becca
15 Answers
September 04, 2009 I found this site to get rid of flakes or dandruff...but I think even if I got rid of that I think I would still be scratching...constantly cleaning some part of my body... is there really any relief? :-x
September 26, 2009

In reply to by Becca

With the monkey's they eat it, because it is usally bugs, fleas or what have you, that is very hard for a monkey to get rid of on his own. Its also is a bonding of sorts. I've never picked my feet very much, but when I was a kid, I had a bizzare habbit of using my mom's sewing needle to sew thru the top layers of skin on my fingers than use my mouth to pull off the bits of skin. I never bled much but my fingers looked I used them across a washboard, they'd also be sore and it would hurt to do things like write. I also chewed my fingers so badly that I'd have huge callouses on my knuckles. I can't even remember when I started mutilating myself. I've been doing it so long. I remember my parents getting after me for it when I was very young (like 3 or 4) and still on my case when I was much older and "should' have known better. I hate it, I hate the blood stains the risk of infection, the fact they my skin (esp my arms) have so many scars they will always look horrble.
September 06, 2009
Do you ever watch the Animal Planet and see the documentaries about monkeys? They all do it to one another-the anthroplogists call it grooming. But they basically pick at one anothers fur and eat whatever they find. I dont think they break skin, but its very similar to scalp/skin picking. (only they do it communally)
September 16, 2009
9.16.09 I think I may have psoriaisis of the scalp. After looking at condition looks similar but it is a mild case. I also know that it it runs in my family. great right? now I will always have something to pick :( :-x ahhhhhhh...this sux :)
September 16, 2009

In reply to by Becca

I have psoriasis of the scalp. My skin falls off my head in chunks at times. I'll pick until my scalp bleeds but itches so bad I can't help it. It's the worst in summer/spring when humidity levels are at their highest. And I'm not sure where or who I got it from but I do know that you can only get it through heredity. It's not contracted. I also pick at my cuticles too, but that's unrelated to my scalp psoriasis.
September 22, 2009
Hi Becca and All, Thanks for sharing. I just found this site and am glad to know that other people are talking about their picking issues. I used to think it was just a habit; I know other people that are pickers and it seems normal to me. But I have scars on my face where I pick, have gotten infection from picking hair on my chin, then get scabs where I plucked the hair, sometimes get swollen lymph nodes from picking. I keep tweezers in my car and will pluck hair as I drive. I try to make sure noone is watching. I space out when I do it. I guess it's my way of relaxing. When I do it, I don't feel consciously anxious or stressed out. I don't like the feeling of scabs on my face; it feels unclean like dirt so I feel compelled to remove it. I'm not OCD in other arenas of life that I am aware of. I am going to try to carry a stress ball around with me so that when I want to pick I'll try to squeeze the ball instead. Thanks for sharing everyone. I think it's time I do something about this. Jennifer
September 29, 2009
9.29.09 Okay I have decided maybe buying a wig and putting it over my hair and if i start to scratch then I will be scratching the wig. I figure this might actually help me to stop...Idk though...we will see. If not I will have a beautiful wig to where when I want:)
September 30, 2009
I just stumbled upon this site, and I swear, I am sitting at work, (not busy of course) just about to cry. I am 31 years old. I had moderate acne as a teenager, nothing to hate myself over. I don't remember exactly when I started to notice the teeniest, tinyest bumps in places I never got them, inside thighs, under my breast and on my buttocks. After my first child when I was 23, I started to get bigger bumps in more places. My ob/gyn was the first to notice because I was getting these huge nasty pimple/boil/ingrown hair, on my growing belly.I don't know, and the doctors act like they don't know what causes them. Yes I am a bit overweight, but even when I loose weight, they don't get better, actually I can see more that I couldn't see before. I have become a picker. I can't wait to get home to get out my 600x magnification mirror and get under a lamp, for my face. For my body, I will sit in the bathroom forever, ready to cry because my hands hurt so bad from picking and I cannot stop. I do feel like I go into a trance. I keep needles and tweezers on hand in case a bump wont just pop and I have to stick it. I have categories for bumps. I can look at a bump and tell if it will be a "gusher" or "seeper" or just a long line of pus. I've been in the hospital 3 times to have abcesses surgically lanced because usually it was a bump that I had no business messing with and it became severly infected. The tissue under my breast have had so many bumps for me to pick that I am covered in darker pigmented scars. Yes, blood and plasma taste good!! I guess i've had an underlying condition that is only treatable with high dosages of antibiotics, (which I have had before after my surgeries and my skin cleared up but no doctor is willing to do for some pimples). It isn't the fact that I get these, but the picking. I CANNOT STOP!! It is like a drug, my eyes glass over, I get kinda oblivious and when the session is over, I feel in a strange way, satisfied. I am glad and very sad that there are so many people suffer from this painful and serious condition.
October 01, 2009
Hey everyone! OMG I am so happy I found this site!! I have been trying to find a forum that people still write in.. they all seem to be so old! So I am in the same boat as all of you. My parents said that it started when I was 3 years old and have had it ever since. I am 23 years old an cannot remember my life without it. When I was little I was tortured for it, constantly made fun of. By the time I hit highschool I was so ashamed and embarressed I made up stories like I did it in my sleep that sort of thing. Im sure they all saw me doing it in class, Im sure I fooled no one. When I started dating my boyfriend I realized people noticed it. I got into a fight with his sister and she was like F you scab eater! I DIED! It was like my secret shame and I couldnt believe they knew. I was mortified and still to this day to think they know about that makes me cringe. It wasnt until I was 19 that I found out it had a name. So I started going to therapy, taking meds, I was even hypnotized! Nothing has worked. =( The one thing about the therapy was it made me realize just how much this runs my life. CSP is an OCD, so I dont just pick, I bite my fingers horribly, until they bleed, then theres other complusion like lying, spending money, stealing and even gambling. I get racing thoughts, and strange things pop into my head. I'll start thinking about weird things.. like what if my boyfriend died or something horrible happened to me. Then even more strange.. I get like this weird high at the thought of the attention it would bring. F*cked up right?!?! I never want these things to happen.. and I dont know why my mind goes that way. Its like theres nothing I do thats not connected to it. Its horrible, I just want to be normal. My CSP is so out of control that about a year ago I had almost 400 cuts on my body. I dont even know where they come from half the time! Right now I am down to 20, but over the summer I was almost clear. I cant figure out whats changed. I seemed to be doing ok and now Im in deep again. One thing that seems to have helped me believe it or not is marijuana. It takes away the anxiety that causes it and helps me to stay calm. But unfortunately I live in a state that doesnt believe in medical marijuana and therefore have to behave like a criminal to try to beat my disorder. Its so aweful because my parents have federal jobs and they are trying to get me in and I am freaking out because I totally can't pass the pee test! Its like this horrible cycle that never ends. Does anyone have any good techniques?! I kinda at the end of my rope at this point. 20 years later and Im still doing it, still hiding it. I cant remember the last time I wore shorts.. it was definately before highschool. Do you guys find that you think about it constantly? Like get a taste in your mouth and have to do it. I know where every cut on my body is and its always on my mind. I just want to stop and I cant! But its good to know that I am not the only one. Even my doctors didnt seem to know what was going on. I never got help until I searched for it.. my doctors never said or did anything about it (then again either did my parents). So thank you Becca for your post because this is the first time Ive admitted to the eating part. I always leave that out with the doctors because I think its so gross. I am looking forward to talking with you all. Maybe we can do it together!
October 02, 2009
Hello. Like everyone here, I PICK, and it is out of control, and I CANT STOP! I'm 38, mother of 2, stayed at home for almost 3 years but now kids are in school and I am looking for work. I've had anxiety (with panic disorder), depression, OCD (mostly ruminating thoughts, plus CSP), more recently ADHD, and addiction/alcoholism (I've been sober nearly 8 months). Anyhow, I've picked at anything and everything at my skin forever. As a kid, I mostly chewed at my fingernails and the skin at my fingertips. Anytime I would have bits of loose skin or nail, I'd find it and end up ripping it off, and more. Fast forwarding to now, for the past few months I have been picking at hundreds of small sores/scabs from my knees down and that part of my legs is now something out of a horror film! Bloody and pock-marked, looking exactly like a case of SEVERE acne that had been picked over and over. They're no longer hair follicle sized spots, they're each the size of a huge pimple that's been dug into. I had a brilliant idea not too long ago that if I take my sharp tweezers and pluck out the hairs on my legs, that would satisfy my craving for picking, and I wouldn't break my skin anywhere any longer. Well NO it didn't work. I ended up not only pulling the hairs but digging into each pore to get out the not-yet-emerged hairs. It's like my vision turns X-ray and I sit for hours and hours examining my legs and digging into my skin with these tweezers to pull the hairs out. As a result I have that many pokes, scabs, etc that I do NOT let heal, because as soon as a scab forms, I rip it off with my tweezers and bleed everywhere! I know for a fact that if I wear trouser socks and smear my legs with neosporin or something like it, even for a day, an amazing amount of healing takes place, but I can't seem to get myself to do it for more than a day! It is just so freaking satisfying to tear into my skin! I feel so disgusting, my husband doesn't understand and thinks I can just stop, I'm so embarassed. I can't talk about this with anybody. I'm even afraid to show my doctor. Anytime I have some kind of wound, I end up having it for maybe a year, because I NEVER let anything heal. And subsequently each wound gets bigger and bigger because of how much and how hard I tear into it. This time, it's not just a wound, it's what I've done to myself, and it's my whole lower legs! I don't think I have the strength to stop doing this on my own.

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