well i think i have taken a good step in even searching the words...reading the information...finding and joining this forum.
now I wonder if i could/need to see a theripist and admit what i barley admit to myself...that I pick my skin. my rituals have been defined on this forum over and over as i have been reading today with the amazment that I am not ALONE!!!
how could this be??...i havnt read much of the why or the what caused, but i am guessing that those stories would be similiar as well.
it's not really the skin picking itself that is the worst of it..but what it has caused/complicated/ruined in my life...and mostly the lifes of my family..my children..i am most ashamed of the time i have missed with them..either in the bathroom picking..or in the bedroom hiding with my swollen and bleeding results..the insults and degrading remarks they have had to hear from their father about how i look or the arguments over the time i spend in the bathroom...
i have other medical conditions (which genuinly affect my skin) so i have mostly been able to hide the fact that I make it worse..hoping it will get better...knowing it won't..trying to forget my emotional and physical pain and just making it worse!!!!!
my depression, anxiety, picking, and overall health have been getting worse again after having been better for a couple weeks...and this part HAS to STOP!..i have diseminated lyme which affects so many things, and over which there is not much control..being this skin issue (picking) is somehow related, in at least part, to control issues, and this is one thing i think (HOPE) i CAN CHANGE, i feel i have too!
i will soon start a new carrer as an RN, I have graduated dispite many obsticals, i have overcome soooo much in my life..how horrible would it be to be my own destructor..or more likley this damn condition/illness/obsession/compulssion.
i have decided to try and get help, get a little better...so that I can help others... be a better mother/friend/person.
i still can not imagine saying the words out loud..but think i may have to to get the help that i need...but i fear (unrationally) that i will have my children taken ( tho i really am a great mom overall...my kids always say...we love you no matter what you look like, they are well taken care of and mostly happy:)...that i will not be able to be a nurse..which may happen if i DON'T stop this madness, as I can imagine not being able to go to work because my eye is swollen shut after i realize that i have been up all night picking..
WOW...this is tooo much all at once..i cant imagine if anyone has gotton through this..if you have you are amazing, and i thank you
i hope to find support here, as well as hope to offer the same if i am able
any and all advice/input/suggestions/ect will be very appreciated:)