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A Goal to Change for? My Personal [Attempt] at a solution
So I have tried giving up picking in the past, and always eventually failed. It's hard to break a habit that has only been getting increasingly worse for over 10 years. But I have realized that it is essentially how I deal with any form of stress. I am enduring a lot of stress in my life, dealing with my family (or rather, trying not to), moving out, a freshman in college in a stressfully unsafe neighborhood. However, I have been here a little over a month on my own and I have come to the conclusion that if I don't stop now, I never will. I could be setting myself up for failure (hey, aren't I already a failure though? my arms and legs look pretty nasty), but I NEED to try something.
Which leads me to my [attempt at a] solution. I got my first tattoo on my 18th birthday a few days before I moved out here, and I want so many more. I have so many images meaningful to me that i want to decorate my body with. Through talking to people and researching, it seems that one can tattoo over a scar as long as it is well healed and not too severe. I don't think any of my scars are that severe, they're mostly just discolorations, with some slightly raised. But I want them to be gone, this part of my life to be over.
I have decided that I will not pick. And I will do this because I want to have beautiful arms again. To me, beautiful arms means full sleeves. I know I can't bring myself to harm a gorgeously designed tattoo. So instead of sitting around picking and digging my skin, i will be designing my tattoos (I'm in art school). Someday (I think two years is long enough for everything to heal) I will cover up the personal reminders of all I have been through with something much more pleasant to look at. I must move on.
P.S. Please refrain from telling me all about how you know I will regret my tattoos, I have already received many a lecture on all the reasons why not to. I appreciate your views, but I didn't post this to get reprimanded. I just wanted to make this goal sort of official. And it's not like I'll be marring my skin with tattoos, it's much more gross as it is.
September 21, 2009
First of all---you are not alone. Most pickers have scars (myself included). When you do happen to look at one, it does tend to remind you of your failures. I think it is fine to cover your scars, in an attempt to replace your failure with something that is beautiful to you. I suggest that you also examine yourself to see WHY you are doing this to yourself. For me, figuring out why I don't find my body beautiful the way it is, has at least been a helpful process. I still pick, but I am able to stop quickly, if I remind myself that even my imperfections are a part of me---and that I AM BEAUTIFUL. This site has helped me learn about the skin and what an amazing organ it is. God has blessed us with an amazing mechanism to purge our body of imperfections and if we can just leave things alone long enough to let the skin do its work; you'll be amazed at how it can heal you without scarring. God knows, I am not always successful at this, but it is a work in progress. I have decided that unlearning habits happens in baby steps. Even the tiniest thing you can do to change your stressful environment can help. So Bravo on making a public statement about wanting to change--that's not easy. I did it a few months ago myself. I wish you luck and enjoy your tattoos!!
September 23, 2009
Well, at least YOU have a plan! I don't know what to do about it, except for counseling. My Psych. Dr. wants me to do hypnotherapy, but insurance doesn't cover it! Big surprise, not!! I don't agree with someone getting tatoos, but if it will work for you, who am I to judge you. I hope you get rid of all or some of that stress and I'll pray for you also. Take care of yourself and remember you are not alone! There are more people out there with the same situation.