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oneofmany , 15 Oct 2009

NO MORE SCABS!! no, really. Success, for today at least.

I have been working to stop my picking habit which has plagued me since elementary age for a little over 2 months. The first month was hard and I wrote about once a week in a topic on this Forum titled 48 Hours. i really could only go a couple days before reverting to picking in less obvious places again (chest, arms, legs) and eventually took to just scratching my back insanely. Seriously. uncontrollable-- it was like all the concentration it took to Not pick my face could just explode and i would just rip up my chest and back and underarms in a fit! I really only recently realized this was more than my own personal awful habit. Upon that realization though, I decided a really MUST get over this-- while I have been dealing with it for 20 years (2/3 of my life) I KNOW it only gets WORSE. AHH!!!! It has already caused so much pain. So-- I worked at it and I had ups and downs.. I made progress, but my pores literally filled up and begged to be popped! Two steps forward and one step back all the way. I relied heavly on visualization and did mostly manage to really curb the face picking and espically stop the total zone out seriously damaging picking. I went to work with white heads on my face really just too Get Over IT! and am glad I did- I need to get over that. I started not only noticing how bad at least half the populations skin is, and looking at peoples faces a little differently ingeneral. After 1 month, I went to a dr (free clinic for me) who gave me a Rx for some topical cream which I never filled (I wanted antibiotics because they did work for me once and here I was working so hard to not touch my face, but my face continued to spout new zits daily! ah!!!!!!! Instead I actually went for one of the online stop picking programs. I have never spent money like that -- it was 40$ which is more than I would normally spend on a pair of shoes (I know). But-- I needed help, and i needeed some kind of investment. I needed to make an impression on myself. And... it worked. The information in the online stop picking course is all really available on the web or generally accessable- but it presented a simple step by step way to recondition myself to stop. I followed the instructions and for three days really worked hard to recondition.. and ... now, it has been about 9 days since then-- I have not touched my face at all and today all of the scabs on my arms, chest, back are GONE! the last 9 days has been the hardest because Ive had to feel thoes scabs.. probably 100 little crusty disgusting evidence of my Insanity!!!!! I HAD to let them fall of on their own. Today I feel so acomplished. I also ordered the 2.5% benzol peroxide and moisturizer from which came very quickly and have been using that for about a week.. My face has been improving slowly but surley since i started trying to stop but Now (Im 29) I realize I really have been prepertuating this cycle. Ive tried to not even TouCH my face and except for the scars.... its clear. for the first time that i can remember. I will say. I have wanted this for a long time and I wanted this BAD. BAD. I got down on my knees and prayed more than once and will be saying thankyou to my personal higherpower which has also helped and filled me with strength and joy in quitting drinking (3 years next month!) and smoking tobacco (6 months now) !!!!!!!! this one is the most personal though. just me against a reflection of me. and the only way to win is to step away and admit defeat. Also, reading these posts and having a place to post about this is also so helpful-- it is possable!!!! have hope and keep on trying! one day at a time! x0x0x0x kit

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