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gypsyrose , 20 Oct 2009

It's not all about me, It's about control and how I feel about the world around me that I can't control

I am 44 years old and I have been picking for a very long time. All you youngsters out there listen up; It's not all about us in the way we think it is, it's about control. All the things that stress us out and make us feel bad leave us feeling like we have no control over our world, so we pick., because that is the one thing in our lives that we can control. We control when, where, why, how oftren, how much. It's like feeling pain deep down inside that we can't control so we find the one thing we can control, our own bodies. We choose how much pain is enough. no one is telling us to hurt ourselves, it is self controled, and not one person can help us except ourselves. We are in control of ourselves and what we do to our own bodies. It is a personal choice, and I feel like I have no control over it, but we do. It's just harder than anything else in the world to learn to control, our own deep down feelings. I don't know if I'm the oldest one who has found this site, but it has taken me years along with the internet to find all this out. You young people are lucky to have a place to express yourself. All my life I felt alon with this problem, I thought "It's just me, I'm the only one in the world that behaves this way. But there are hundreds of us out there. And yes, I believe that we can help each other with support and feed back. It is very important to the person sitting here expressing their hearts out and scared that no one will understand why we can do this to ourselves, except someone else with the same problem, even if it is for different reasons. So please don't leave people hanging when they log on, that makes us feel not worthy of even the smallest comment. We came to this site to express ourselves and look for answers or feedback of somekind.
4 Answers
October 20, 2009
Thanks for sharing. I am sorry you felt so alone with this. I think you are right, we can help heal eachother. Sharing is one of the only things that I know will help us fight skin picking. I dont know if anyone else feels the same as me, but sometimes I avoid posting responses because I dont want to sound like a know-it-all. I think "who am I to dole out advice?" I think this speaks loudly about the self-esteem issues I have...which are of course connected to picking. Anyway I am going to try and get past my urge to "hide" my life and recovery and express my heart as you say. thanks gypsyrose
October 21, 2009
Hi gypsy rose, Don't worry you are not the oldest on this site, I too am 44 and wondering what the heck I have been doing all this time and I thought that it would just go away. Just when I think I have control of it, something happens and then I go on a binder, just like the binders my Mom would do except with alcohol. This is the first time I have been on a forum and I really needed this place, like everyone says they think that no one else was like them. Well, reading some of the forum things I can't believe it. It's like you know exactly how I feel when I start to pick. I myself have gone to see doctors and they really don't know much about the face picking. I don't want to go on medication but I'm up for anything else that might work... by the way did you buy this guys book?
October 26, 2009

In reply to by hekler

Thank you for replying. It literaly made me cry that someone finally responded to one of my comments. I live in a very small town in the South Park area of Colorado. No I have not bought any books from anyone, and no I do not take any meds now. I used to take anti-depressents that were also supposed to help CSP but they only made it worse. So now I just self monitor and realize when I'm being triggered and try to maintane some sort of self control, which is not easy at all. I will post more later. Thank you all again for your support.

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