I am new here.
I found this site completely by accident. I had no idea that there was a conditon called dermatillomania or that I might have it. THis past weekend I went out of town. In the hotel room I noticed the way my skin looks. Scars everywhere, arms, legs face, stomach, a few open wounds. I was disgusted by the way I look. I hadnt realized how scard up I was. Knew there were some but wow!
Im a scab picker. I cant stand the way a scab feels on my body. If I happen to run my hand across a part of my body where there is a scab, I will pick it. I tell myself to stop. I can say the words in my head, "stop picking it", "stop touching it" "leave it alone", "dont touch" ... those will continue to run through my head and all the while I will continue to pick at it, until its gone. If by some chance I am able to stop myself it will only be for a short time and then I will begin again.
Sometime I bleed and sometimes I dont. If i pick and am at home alone I will sometimes use the blood to draw on my body. There is satifaction in it, a calmness. I see a counsler for other reason and she has an many occasions asked me about my sores. I just tell her I dont know. The last time she mentioned it I got very defensive and said "I like doing it so leave me alone". That is part truth. I do like doing it, like the way it feels, the satifaction of making my skin smooth again, I hate the shame I feel afterwards. THe embarassment of the way my skin looks. Maybe finding this site is a sign that its time to come clean with my cousler and to start trying to make myself stop doing this.
I have another problem with regards to scabs and picking. If I touch my childrens skin and feel one I will try and pick theirs too. I hate the way they feel and want them not be there. I have incredible remorse that i do this to my children. I dont want them to have scard skin like me. I dont want them to be pickers either. Please HELP me!